Siblings of Addicts Community Group
I created this group because I think often when there is an addict in the family the siblings of the addicts often go unnoticed. I have found numerous support groups for the parents of, the spouses of, and even the children of addicts but nothing really to specialize in the siblings of addicts department and feel it is well overdue. I hope in this group other siblings of...
I've been reading some older posts on here and a couple of other groups of families dealing with addicts and was wondering if you all have the same thought I do.
I was speaking to a co-worker the other day about the struggles she is having with her addict son. As I was listening to her tell me all the things she is doing that are enabling him I was getting so frustrated! I realized it was much like what I felt with my own parents and older brother who always enabled my addict brother.' I was especially empathetic when she told me her daughter was very mad at her helping her addict son out so much and she couldn't believe how much resentment her daughter has for her.
In my own situation, I was so resentful that all my parents time and resources were exhausted on his addiction, money to support him because he would blow it all on drugs, taking him in so he wasn't on the street, taking over parenting his kids because he could no longer be a parent. For my sister and I...all of this seemed to breed this huge resentment that was overwhelming at times.
Since losing my brother, I realize I why now I was so resentful and have found some level of peace. It is hard to forgive your family for buying into his ridiculousness...but it was also hard to get past their anger that I wouldn't buy into his addiction and drop everything to go run and get him out of trouble ...yet again.
Just wondering how many of us out there experience this too?
I was speaking to a co-worker the other day about the struggles she is having with her addict son. As I was listening to her tell me all the things she is doing that are enabling him I was getting so frustrated! I realized it was much like what I felt with my own parents and older brother who always enabled my addict brother.' I was especially empathetic when she told me her daughter was very mad at her helping her addict son out so much and she couldn't believe how much resentment her daughter has for her.
In my own situation, I was so resentful that all my parents time and resources were exhausted on his addiction, money to support him because he would blow it all on drugs, taking him in so he wasn't on the street, taking over parenting his kids because he could no longer be a parent. For my sister and I...all of this seemed to breed this huge resentment that was overwhelming at times.
Since losing my brother, I realize I why now I was so resentful and have found some level of peace. It is hard to forgive your family for buying into his ridiculousness...but it was also hard to get past their anger that I wouldn't buy into his addiction and drop everything to go run and get him out of trouble ...yet again.
Just wondering how many of us out there experience this too?
This might sound horrible, but honestly I get jealous at all the money that is dropped her way. I cannot believe all of the money my sister has blown. It's not that I want the money, it's that she is so careless with people's hard earned money. Money isn't everything, but it is hard work and time of who ever earned it. I guess I understand what it takes to make it in this world. She on the other hand is clueless. She just waits for her next handout.
She just left rehab and didn't have a sober day out. My birthday is tomorrow...I'm hoping she doesn't OD on what is suppose to be my day. I feel selfish for saying that, but it is the honest gut wrenching truth. I'm flat out sick of her crap!!
So, yes I have resentment. I pray every day for the Lord to help me cope with these feelings and to have mercy on me. I am determined not to let this addiction swallow me up too.
I am resentful of the amount of attention is focused on the messed up family members, they are always the focus and I resent that. I am resentful of the fact that I am expected to somehow magically 'fix things'?? If the parents can't fix it, why on earth do they expect that the sister will be able to fix it?? Oh if only I could :) I am resentful of situations like when my mother gets angry with me and tells me off for keeping my distance from my sister when she was drunk and mean and nasty, but she doesn't express her anger towards my sister when she is drunk and mean and angry in the first place!
Oh I think I could go on and on and on, sometimes I do think that I am just one big walking ball of anger and resentment! Not sure how to work my way through that yet...
I hope you ended up having a happy birthday AlwaysH, despite the family chaos. Enjoy your good times :)
Always H...I do hope you had a nice birthday...in spite of her.
Leaf...I've wondered many times myself why so many think I too could "magically fix things"....
Wow...so much in common are we. Sadly, its not a good thing to have in common, but reassuring that I'm not the only one out there that have had these feelings.
Take care guys.
Wow, I'm relieved to finally find a group of siblings who can relate. I am the youngest of five addicts and just getting in touch with my resentments. I don't think I've wanted to admit how very hurt I've been for so many years. I was just focusing on surviving and getting out from underneath all the chaos and drama.
I think that, as siblings, we have our own 'journey of recovery' to embark upon, which is very separate to the 'journey of recovery' that our siblings may or may not take. I hope you are finding the help and support you need to work through the hurt, resentment, anger, frustration, etc that is usually part and parcel of having addicted siblings. Sending you lots of good thoughts and I hope you will come back and keep sharing. Sometimes it helps just to get the words out there. Take care :)
And my mom gets mad at me for calling out her lies! Ummm helllo? Shouldn't you be mad at the people taking advantage of you? Oh yeah forgot to mention that i have been surrounded by addicts in my family my entire life. Now that my sister is an addict, my parents just keep getting sucked into the manipulation even after years of dealing with other relatives with drug addictions.
It hurts so bad that the one sibling I have, the one sister that I was so excited about when i was young, turned out to be my worst nightmare. On top of that, I feel like I'm the bad guy because I don't buy into all of her crap like my parents do therefore the more I feel distant from my family. I carry a lot of resentment and anger around with me and I'm just now trying to get rid of it. So far I've realized it's really tough starting the process of dealing with all of my mixed emotions but i guess starting to talk about my feelings is the first step.
To Sister of Five and Krys51813 -- welcome and I'm sorry you too can relate. I wish I could say I have the answer on how to deal with this and I wish I could say that it will go away some day. But I can't. I'm just glad there is a place like this where you can find others who have the same or similar experiences.
Bless us all for all that we have put up with. May we all find true peace one day.
I can totally relate to everything you guys have written... feelings of anger, resentment etc.