Siblings of Addicts Community Group
I created this group because I think often when there is an addict in the family the siblings of the addicts often go unnoticed. I have found numerous support groups for the parents of, the spouses of, and even the children of addicts but nothing really to specialize in the siblings of addicts department and feel it is well overdue. I hope in this group other siblings of...
My life has been getting difficult, I’ve moved back home after a break up about six months ago. That really wouldn’t be all that bad really, if it wasn’t for her. My sister, the youngest of three and up until about about two years ago, home was always a safe place to go when the rest of the world was falling down on top of me. Anyway, the youngest sibling is in short a heroin addict. I’m not sure how bad it’s been, but, every day that I’ve been home there’s been a fight about something.
Clothing, money, jewelry all go missing. This week alone, number three stole about 200 dollars from my middle sister alone. She attempted to make off with a gold bracelet that I received from my grandmother. I didn’t know it at the time of course, all I know was I was home alone and forced to “Watch her.” I go to the bathroom and I hear her sprint out the door. It doesn’t take long till I’m following her, and I do manage to chase her down. When I catch her, it was there on her wrist and I knew why it was there. More drugs… I snapped, and I’m not proud to say this I got into a physical fight with my sibling. Mostly it was me just grappling, but, she clawed my face up, broke a few of my toes, and most damning of all she took out a rather large chunk of my hair. I managed to drag her back into the house and recaptured my bracelet, she flew out the door again but, I didn’t care.
The thing was, I get the brunt of my parents wrath.
“You should have just let her go.” Which has run counter intuitive to everything else they’ve ever said, and I didn’t want to lose anything else that was mine. So much has already gone missing I just can’t take it anymore. They go on, and on, and on about how we have to “Treat her well” or she’ll go down the spiral again. Yet, she’s already there, can’t they see it.
I’m afraid to leave my room for fear that something new is going to turn up missing. I’m afraid to go out in public because I look completely brutalized. I just don’t know what to do, I mean, I have to work, but, that’s almost laughable as she’ll steal debt cards, cash, whatever. And what’s worse she doesn’t seem to understand why I hate her, just today, we got into a fight and she said “She was good today.”
Seriously? One day is supposed to repair all the damage that she’s done. I just can’t take it, I’m looking for a room mate, until than though, can someone please, please, please tell me what to do to make this hell easier on me.
My parents aren’t helping, they’re only making it worse. It’s hard core enabling, as there seems to be relatively little repercussions for her actions. The only peace I’ve had was the days she was in rehab, but, it all started up the next day.
Really, I’m sorry for the rant. My parents want to keep this quiet… so, I can’t tell friends, family, right now this is all I have to turn too.
Clothing, money, jewelry all go missing. This week alone, number three stole about 200 dollars from my middle sister alone. She attempted to make off with a gold bracelet that I received from my grandmother. I didn’t know it at the time of course, all I know was I was home alone and forced to “Watch her.” I go to the bathroom and I hear her sprint out the door. It doesn’t take long till I’m following her, and I do manage to chase her down. When I catch her, it was there on her wrist and I knew why it was there. More drugs… I snapped, and I’m not proud to say this I got into a physical fight with my sibling. Mostly it was me just grappling, but, she clawed my face up, broke a few of my toes, and most damning of all she took out a rather large chunk of my hair. I managed to drag her back into the house and recaptured my bracelet, she flew out the door again but, I didn’t care.
The thing was, I get the brunt of my parents wrath.
“You should have just let her go.” Which has run counter intuitive to everything else they’ve ever said, and I didn’t want to lose anything else that was mine. So much has already gone missing I just can’t take it anymore. They go on, and on, and on about how we have to “Treat her well” or she’ll go down the spiral again. Yet, she’s already there, can’t they see it.
I’m afraid to leave my room for fear that something new is going to turn up missing. I’m afraid to go out in public because I look completely brutalized. I just don’t know what to do, I mean, I have to work, but, that’s almost laughable as she’ll steal debt cards, cash, whatever. And what’s worse she doesn’t seem to understand why I hate her, just today, we got into a fight and she said “She was good today.”
Seriously? One day is supposed to repair all the damage that she’s done. I just can’t take it, I’m looking for a room mate, until than though, can someone please, please, please tell me what to do to make this hell easier on me.
My parents aren’t helping, they’re only making it worse. It’s hard core enabling, as there seems to be relatively little repercussions for her actions. The only peace I’ve had was the days she was in rehab, but, it all started up the next day.
Really, I’m sorry for the rant. My parents want to keep this quiet… so, I can’t tell friends, family, right now this is all I have to turn too.
Set her small goals that will help out in the house and when she does it (even if it's changing the toilet paper roll) commend her efforts and let her know that it helped you out. If she leaves it tell her how it makes you feel.
I had a really hard time living with my sister too. In fact I didn't last very long when I returned home.
Just breathe. It will get better. Let her live and make sure to live your life too without letting her consume you. Oh and talking is a very good thing. Talk talk talk talk talk.
My brother is an alcoholic. He started drinking when he was 12 years old (I was 14), and it has ruined our family unit beyond repair. He is now 35 years old, and uses cocaine as well, and this makes matters much worse. I have tried everything with him, but ultimately, after all these years, and also after understanding how much it has affected my life, I decided to 'detach with love' as they say. It works. If talking works for you then that's great. For me unfortunately it didn't. And because my parents enabled him, and still are enabling him, he has no reason to take any responsibility for his life. I can't speak from the sibling of a heroin addict, but detaching from my parents was by far the most difficult thing I have had to do. Painful but also necessary. Parents generally will become so consumed with your sibling that any mistreatment towards you will be excused, ignored, or put down to the siblings addiction. Which in part is true. But don't underestimate the manipulative extents to which addicts will go to, in order to feed their habits. They will say anything to continue doing what they are doing. And its not your parents fault, they just get enveloped in the disease. In the end you all up playing a role. I was the fixer. And it extended into every part of my life. I have only recently started to see my own process here and how it effects me even on a daily basis. What I am trying to say without rambling on, is you make sure you look after you. You can't save her, and you can't save your parents either. They will do what they feel is their duty to do, regardless of what you say, no matter how many times you say it. As hard as it is, protect yourself first and foremost.
Good luck - and stay safe.