Also we have found alcohol and drugs on him recently but my mom just takes it and then says he is fine...

Hi Daisy,

I don't know if you're still following this thread, but I can totally relate. My sister is addicted to crack and my mother insists that since her psychiatrist has diagnosed her with a mental illness, she is NOT an addict, but merely mentally ill. My sis does the same thing re: suicide threats... at least half of the major holidays over the past few years have been ruined by her suicide threats...

Frustrating as all hell. I can't stand it.

I don't know if my brother was dealing with a mental illness..but I do know his addiction caused him to behave as if he had one. He was very manipulative...much like what your brother does when he says, "you won't see me again unless _____".

The manipulation works on those that seem to be really dialed into their disease or addiction. In my case it was my Mom and oldest brother...they fell for his BS every time.

I get your resentment...had many things taken from me, family events impacted by his addiction.

What I can say is that you have a very important life event coming up. Stay focused on that. Just realize that him, his addiction will try to make that the most important thing as the attention will be moved away from him. Set your boundaries, let your family know what those are (and trust me this is one of the hardest things you can do because they will possibly be mad at you) and remind them its YOUR day..not his.

I remember at my reception I saw my addict brother start to drink a bit much. I had told my oldest brother that he was his babysitter. I wanted nothing to do with him and didn't want to see any bad behavior. The first sign of bad behavior he was to take him away. I actually used my oldest brothers co-dependency in a good way....to babysit him so he wouldn't ruin MY day. I laugh about it now because it was the smartest (I didn't realize it at the time) thing I could have done. My mom insisted I let him come but I stressed out so much that he would ruin everything. HA HA..the laugh was on him. He and my oldest brother did leave early because ...surprise, surprise, he couldn't control himself and got drunk.

I have to look at moments like that as little wins in the world of many losses.

I hope that you can find some strength for yourself in dealing with this. I send many hugs and well wishes to you. Just know that there are a few of us here that know exactly what you are feeling and dealing with.

My younger brother is in the exact same boat and I resent him for it. But yes my mother makes excuses for him and pays for everything for him. He has never had to deal with any consequences for anything and never thinks he's wrong. And honestly it makes me sick that he's not behind bars for how many DUI's he has. My brother frequently threatens suicide but I think its more for attention then because he has any intention of doing anything.

He seems to think the world revolves around him and everyone should stop what their doing to please him. He's never head a real job, gave up looking after two applications and after he got his GED at 17 never went back to school that was almost 7 years ago keep in mind. When he's not high he sleeps all day and then complains about not having a girlfriend all the while my mom encourages him to sit on his ass all day and watch tv and sleep because it means he's not doing drugs. Yet the second she gets him to go look for a job he generally comes home high or directly from a jail cell for something or another. Then the whole cycle starts over and my mother wonders why he isn't getting better and he wonders why everyone is out to get him. I wish the sleep part of the cycle would start back up because the past week he has been doing nothing but making me want to pop some pills and put myself into a coma just to get away from him.

And I'm sorry if I was just venting, this past week has been one of the hardest my brother has put me through and I've had some pretty bad ones because of him. I just think I finally hit my ultimate breaking point because I feel like such a mess all the time. Normally by now I would have calmed down some but it just doesn't seem to be going away.

No worries about venting... sometimes you just have to let it all out. (((hugs)))

Thanks for all your support and stories. Although sad, it's comforting I'm not alone. This past week has been the hardest for me too. My brother attempted suicide on Friday. He took all his meds and drank bleach. He is being let out of the psych ward today. It's been harder on me than I thought it would be... It's also
my bridal shower this weekend but all anyone is doing (even me) is worrying about him. I won't even have my sister in law at my shower cuz she's gonna drop everything to baby him. If my mom wasn't throwing the shower she'd probably blow it off too.

I know that feeling, my brother just tried to hang himself this week. And a year ago he destroyed my college graduation party because he cut himself. It sucks that they can't seem to handle a single day that is all about them all the time. That part was the only day that my family has ever really tried to make about me in ever 10 years and he still turned the spotlight on him and it makes me furious. I haven't even had a decent birthday in over 10 years because of his stunts. I can never help but to think about what he might do if I ever get married or dare have a child. He'll ruin those events for me as well no doubt and make everyones turn to his problems instead.

After many years of my sister's nonsense, I've finally cut her out of it (as much as possible anyhow)

At X-mas she was once again saying she was going to kill herself, so I invited her to my kids b-days in Jan/Feb (figured if I didn't and she did herself in, she'd blame me in her suicide note and I don't need that)... She was feeling much better a few months later, so that's when I made my break - she's mad as can be, laying on the guilt trip, calling me twisted for doing it etc, but too bad. I've done what I could and after all this time (about 20 years I'd say) enough is enough. My mom is mad at me about it, but too bad... she'll have to adjust. If she chooses my screwed up sister over me, then I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Maybe consider not inviting him to your wedding... cut him out sooner than later... I wish I had... it's not like playing along and being the "good sister" by including her all these years has ever gotten us anywhere.

typo... meant to say I've finally cut her out of my life... not "it"

Hi Daisy,

My sister is bipolar and also and addict. I totally get the frustration. I feel the same way. I always feel like her bipolar diagnosis is her excuse to use drugs. Especially when my mom or other family members excuse me, enablers, always come to her rescue. I'm also getting married coming up and it was a shock to my sister when I told her she will not be my maid of honor. I told her I wasn't going to beat around the bush, she cant be trusted and her behavior is extremely erratic. I cant have that on my most important day. Of course my mom called and wrote me some sappy letter about what a disappointment I am because I did not chose my sister....ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

SO yeah I feel the pain. Its tough always feeling unwanted.

I some what know the feeling too... I've learned through many relapses that an addict will only get better on their own... so when my sister threatens to kill herself am I supposed to do something about it or wait for her to want to get better. In my eyes using drugs is her way if trying to kill herself anyways... just at a loss with all of this.

I hope your wedding is wonderful.... with or without your brother! I'm pregnant and I doubt my sister will make the shower. So heartbreaking. I've allowed her to put stress on me throughout this pregnancy because I didn't cut her out of my life and reach out for help sooner. I tried to do the usual... fix her... When will I learn?!