My resentment toward my family. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with my family members without the restraint of isolation. Would things have been better if I handled all the situations differently? What constitutes my decisions over the past years? Did I make the right choice? To walk away? For how long must one suffer to reach any decision at all? I have always had a very bad and unhealthy relationship with my brother. He stabbed me when we were just kids, beat me growing up, and hurt me in any way he could. My mother is the one I looked up to the most, growing up I could see myself being like her so loving and caring to everyone no matter who they were. As my brother and I grew up, she became less of a mother and more of an enabler to my brother's addiction to drugs and alcohol. I feel as if I have lost my mother completely as recent events have secured her codependent ways.

To always isolate myself from all the confrentation, the constant fighting, arguing, emotional and physical abuse, I'm not sure how to deal with all the painful memories.I just walked away from it all, not saying anything but goodbye. I yearn for a more health conscience state of mind. I want to be a mother to my children, with the strenght and vigor I once had, not this mess of isolation. so how do I conquor and overcome my problem? Do I confront my mother or brother? Do I write about it? do I read books? ask advice? professional advice? I am 30 years old now, and enough is enough. I have to pull out my backbone and start at home and myself. I do see a pattern of what my mother does in me, and I absolutely hate it!

So how to deal with it.. I have tried isolation. my mother thinks I hate her. My brother continues his slander. I have completely lost touch with my sister.