Sexual Betrayal Recovery Group Community Group
This board has been created especially for those who have discovered a partner's secret sexual behaviors and suffered resultant mental, emotional and physical damage. And, it is my desire to invite open, honest communication. Each of us are in a different place, from pre-discovery, to immediate discovery, to recovering our bearings, and moving on. Need to talk?
Not sure if this is really a question or not haha just wondering what others have experienced and any advice or thoughts on it.
What do you do when you and your partner don't see eye to eye on boundaries, so he justifies his behavior because he doesn't see what the big deal is.
I don't think that looking at a woman that is even semi nude is okay. I feel it violates our marriage vows just as much as if she were completely nude. I find it just as hurtful. I also feel like its just playing with fire. Because he looks at that tomorrow, maybe he moves onto top less women the next and then maybe full frontal and then so on until pictures aren't enough so then come movies and then pretty soon he is on a dating site chatting with women. This seems to be his pattern.
But I feel as though my spouse feels like it's a "lesser evil" and there for does not disclose it to me and doesn't view it as a slip. He doesn't recognize or chooses not to acknowledge the pattern.
What do you do when you and your partner don't see eye to eye on boundaries, so he justifies his behavior because he doesn't see what the big deal is.
I don't think that looking at a woman that is even semi nude is okay. I feel it violates our marriage vows just as much as if she were completely nude. I find it just as hurtful. I also feel like its just playing with fire. Because he looks at that tomorrow, maybe he moves onto top less women the next and then maybe full frontal and then so on until pictures aren't enough so then come movies and then pretty soon he is on a dating site chatting with women. This seems to be his pattern.
But I feel as though my spouse feels like it's a "lesser evil" and there for does not disclose it to me and doesn't view it as a slip. He doesn't recognize or chooses not to acknowledge the pattern.
Any therapist would agree with you that even looking at half naked women is a slippery slope to relapse. Is your husband looking at pictures of half nude women? Chances are if he is doing that he is already relapsed into more, and goes back to the "lesser evil" when he feels the shame and guilt. Even seeing those little bit of images is feeding his addiction, he gets a small hit from it regardless if he wants to admit it to you or himself.
My question to you is what is the consequence that you have decided if he breaks that boundary?