Sexual Betrayal Recovery Group Community Group
This board has been created especially for those who have discovered a partner's secret sexual behaviors and suffered resultant mental, emotional and physical damage. And, it is my desire to invite open, honest communication. Each of us are in a different place, from pre-discovery, to immediate discovery, to recovering our bearings, and moving on. Need to talk?
So, it's been a year of trickle truth and horrible anger and lies and blah, blah, you ALL know....
Bottom line, for 8 years, my H had anonymous sex with men off Craigslist and hook up sites. I had known of his curiosity and want adverse to exploitation, but he claimed that interest had waned.
It seems to be true that since I discovered his "secret life", he's had no sex outside or marriage. To be honest, after two months of lying, he hasn't had sex INSIDE his marriage, either!
How can it be that just upon discovery he can realize exactly what is important to him (his marriage and fidelity), when he lied and cheated for sooooooooo long?!
It's hard to believe.
Bottom line, for 8 years, my H had anonymous sex with men off Craigslist and hook up sites. I had known of his curiosity and want adverse to exploitation, but he claimed that interest had waned.
It seems to be true that since I discovered his "secret life", he's had no sex outside or marriage. To be honest, after two months of lying, he hasn't had sex INSIDE his marriage, either!
How can it be that just upon discovery he can realize exactly what is important to him (his marriage and fidelity), when he lied and cheated for sooooooooo long?!
It's hard to believe.
He just kept on lying, acting like he'd given full disclosure, and wasting the money at Marriage Counseling because he couldn't face the truth.
After 6 months and thousands of dollars (we can't really afford it) wasted in counseling, and my good feelings towards recovery wasted away, I had enough of his foolishness. For the past six months he's had an ic. He understands himself and what drove him to take a sexual interest (which I'd known about....fellating a man wasn't beyond my participation, and I asked him if he was still interested, but he lied and said "no" because he couldn't be real with himself, so not with me) and get immersed in the porn, then the websites, then the strangers, so that 8 years and 100 partners later, he's caught.
When he was tested, he tested positive for chlamydia, so I took the antibiotic immediately, also. (it's the way our state handles it). I was tested negative for everything.
I had folks to talk to AFTER I gave up on him ever telling me the truth. Of course, that's when he "told the truth", at least, as far as I know. His story hasn't changed since February of this year.
How I feel about what he did would have been "good for you!" if I hadn't been his wife. I think a person should explore their sexuality within the confines of vows they'd given a partner. Instead, he lied that he was no longer interested and put my life in danger.
THAT is how it affects me personally. The man who vowed to love and protect me, instead disrespected me more than ANYONE in the world has ever disrespected me, and put my life in danger for 8 years.
So, I'm feeling skeptical that SUDDENLY he knows that he really really wants his marriage and to be with me and only me. I was an awesome wife before all this happened. NOW, I'm not so awesome, since now I have no trust and definitely don't see how I could ever explore his sexuality with him without having triggers and PTSD returns.
Good advice. If it's hard to behave, it means I don't believe it. Very clear. Thanks.