My H used to do that. And, I've read many women's words describing the same thing.

Yes yes yes. Reading your words made a light bulb go off! That is exactly what my bf does. I think he picks a fight with me so that he gives himself permission to act out. Then hen blames me for it and he gets support from his 12 step and therapist believing what he says and that I am not supporting his recovery but hurting it. Then it continues as resentment when I am unwilling to take the blame for something that is his responsibility.

That is how I feel when it happens too. The night in question, we had met at my doctors appointment (I am 35 weeks pregnant) and then went to the store afterwards and I was having really bad contractions. So after we were done, he needed to stop and get gas I just said I was going to head straight home. After I've been home for about 5mins, I hear the garage door open, but after about 7 or 8 mins he still hasn't come in. My 5 year old and me go out to greet him, and he is just sitting in his car looking at his phone. I didn't really think much of it, then he comes in and I let him know I was still having pretty painful contractions and he told me to just lay down and relax. I asked if he would mind getting me something to eat and he said he would. Well after an hour I politely asked if he would get me something to eat. That is when he like exploded. "I SAID I WOULD!" I don't normally engage him when he is like this, so I just calmly said that I hadn't ate since before my appointment, and he once again explodes "WELL I'M EXHAUSTED!", so I just went back to doing what I was doing and then got up and got myself something to eat. Later on, I noticed that one of the pages he likes on facebook for Ram trucks had some scantly clad women photos posted. I am guessing that is what he was looking at and that is why he flipped out on me. At least that is all I can think of, because we had a wonderful time at my dr appointment and were being all flirty and lovey dovey at the store. I am not like upset that he saw that, because he can't help what people post on facebook, but I don't need him being a complete jerk to me because he feels guilt, shame, whatever for looking at it. I plan on mentioning next time we are at our counselors, just so we are in a "safe" place to talk about it.

I just wanted to see if anyone else had experienced it as well. This isn't the first time it has occurred or anything, it just has bothering me.

Oh yeah, for sure.

I read an article about how having children or having their partner being sick as triggers as well.

Here's one :http://www.sexaddictionscounseling.com/3-wonderful-life-events-that-can-trigger-sex-addiction-relapse/

End, I am sorry that you have had to through this over and over again and that you had no support or compassion from him while you are pregnant.

This is the first time for me. It is also the first time he has acted out since he did full disclosure. I had no knowledge of him acting out prior to disclosure. It has pulled the rug out from under me again. It has re-traumatized me. I am stronger this time, but less hopeful.

It is like he is such a different person since disclosure and has a lot of resentment towards me. Do the nice guy he was ever come back or was that an act since he was secretly acting out the whole time?

I am just confused and don't know what is the truth anymore.

This was the other one http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2012/11/illness-in-a-partner-brings-up-intimacy-issues/#more-829

When the addict doesn't have the "teddy bear " of their acting out to help them cope, their "true self " comes out. The hope is that in therapy and them working their recovery, they can begin to grow up and deal with life. ..

Thanks for the support. Those articles really hit home. my husband had a lot of health issues when he was in his young teenage years and spent a lot of time in the hospital. With 4 other siblings at home, his parents were not always available to be with him. This has caused a lot of abandonment issues. It's one of his major triggers. I can see how having this baby could bring those issues up for him, because of all the what ifs of having a baby. I am also having a cesarean and that can be scary. Also the thought of me being away from the house and him being lonely. I just get really aggravated sometimes and feel like yelling "use your words dammit!!" Lol a sentence I use with my 5 year old (sans the yelling and dammit part lol)

I may be posting a lot the next few weeks/months because we have some major life changes coming. our baby will be here in 23 days and he just applied for a management position that could either take us to another city or possibly to another state. As that article pointed out, both great things, but both very stressful at the sametime. Our life is very much up in the air at the moment and so I'm trying to just be really understanding and compassionate to the both of us. He has the weight of the world on his shoulder and is just slowly learning to let me help with the burden. When I commented about the blow up the other day, he didn't really say much, so I dont really have an idea of what was going on. But sometimes I can just tell by his body language what the true answer is. Like he knows I know so why verbalize it. If that makes any sense. I did feel empowered by being able to say at our counseling session "hey when you do this kind of behavior it makes me feel like you're starting a fight in order to justify acting out. It is a really big trigger for me." I hate not having my feelings validated and I know what I can tell him on our own and what I have to wait and share during our sessions. But the list of things I can share on our own is growing and that is encouraging.

I'm so glad you are in counselling so that you can do that.

My husband had to leave his career and has been unemployed for a week now, plus we are downsizing to make our new life in recovery more achievable / sustainable. It's a lot to go through.

I really wish there was a "LIKE" button on DS! I like all the above comments.

It's sad, but I usually check H's computer if he's being snippy because that used to be the tell-tale sign of relapse. Knock on wood, he's been on the straight and narrow for over 2 years now.

wow, Lisa...two years...that's good!

Just find it interesting that my h too was so resentful of ME after disclosure. I think that's weird and not very rational. My h really hated himself but somehow I got the brunt of it.

Cynclaire,I wonder how much of that it projection?