I am so sorry you have to go through this. Many addicts have lost their jobs and families because of this horrible addiction. I do hope they give them a chance to recover and move forward. They all have so much to learn from him. Good luck.

My husband hasn't lost his job but there are restrictions placed on his job from his therapist, no overnight travel yet (a huge part of his job is travel) he also has taken his name out of the running for promotion for a few reasons, it would mean him living 1.5 hours away, so having to only come home on weekends, and he knows because of his restrictions he couldn't do that job. He also knows and has accepted the stress that him being away would cause our marriage too much stress. There are times that I feel guilty about it, then shake my head and KNOW that these restrictions are direct consequences of his addiction and have nothing to do with me.

Sand
Would the Church consider sending your h to a treatment program? There is one in Scottsdale called PCS. The guy that runs it is an ex minister and he deals with many church people with this problem. It's his specialty. It's an awesome program. Wish I could go back for myself. I went for two weeks in 2010 and I felt the best I had in years.

Hi Y'all,

His church paid 90% of his 3 1/2 week rehab, and were able to afford about 3 extra sessions with his CSAT. The meeting ended up predominantly a Q&A session with his therapist and sponsor; they basically feel they can't decide something as serious as someone's livelihood without a process, and that they need to be as educated as possible. So it did not end up so much as a discussion of his future at this ministry, as a step in a process.

His gut says the writing's on the wall; however, it was a very positive meeting, and I believe that it will be a majority who want to keep him on...

I am echoing Cynclaire's comments on PCS. My H and I went as a couple. It was a vital first step in our recovery process as a couple and a critical step in his own meaningful recovery from his SA.

I sure hope your church does its due diligence and practices what it surely preaches, taking everything into consideration. If he is in steady recovery, I don't know how they could let him go. It seems odd to me they haven't asked to hear from you....

There are so many serious consequences for the SA's behavior, and just like the ripple effect of everything they do, it is often not just the SA that pays the price- we, who have already been wronged in so many other ways too, often pay dearly too. Same with my H. To maintain appropriate boundaries and behavior, he ended up having to give up more than half our income stream to detach himself from an acting out partner. SO unfair.

We are having to downsize our home to pay off debt, partly from his acting out, partly from his impulse spending, and partly because we need to be able to afford all the counselling we need in the long term.

Fortunately, I have come to welcome this upcoming change. It helps me feel more secure financially should more s**t hit the fan further down the road.

And work-wise--so far so good. No move to let him go at this point in time. I hope if something like that does happen, we will be more financially able to handle it...