Sexual Betrayal Recovery Group Community Group
This board has been created especially for those who have discovered a partner's secret sexual behaviors and suffered resultant mental, emotional and physical damage. And, it is my desire to invite open, honest communication. Each of us are in a different place, from pre-discovery, to immediate discovery, to recovering our bearings, and moving on. Need to talk?
I find myself feeling really angry and hurt (even a little uneasy for some reason) when my spouse says "you'd look good in this" doesn't matter what it is. Today it was a pair of cowboy boots. Why do I have this reaction?
Learningskills
What first comes to mind when he says these things?
Cynclaire
enduring......I can relate to this. Sometimes he compliments me and I feel he hasn't even looked at me. I call him on it but I can honestly say that compliments from him mean very little any more or at least not what they did before. So is the problem with myself or him? Probably myself . HMMM have to ponder awhile
Learningskills
I feel like my husband's previous behavior changed the way I feel about him. Trust is questionable, so compliments are questionable too. Everything is questionable. I feel like that is just the ultimate result of betrayal. Then again, I don't "need" his compliments anyway. I'm my own measuring stick.
calirn13
I feel that way too. Ifs like they are saying you need to change. My H bought me pants I had when I was 16, they are back instyle... I'm thinking either the pedophile or he just wants the girl he met and I'm not her anymore. He tries to get me to remember when we fell in love, I get that. But it tugs at my heart.
Learningskills
My husband is certainly not the guy I married. I mean...uh....could a late fifties man compare to a man in his early twenties? Absolutely not. So, if I were to attempt to hold him to that standard, I'd not fare well, would I? Perhaps, had I spent my time expecting him, me, and everyone else to remain as they were at twenty, I would also not fare well. Or, had I spent my time unhappy that he no longer looked like a twenty year old, then I would certainly have been very silly...wouldn't I? But, I didn't...because I live in reality...not fantasy. He apparently did. Not my problem.
gettingback2good
enduring.. There are times where I have felt the same... in every way. Whether it be a compliment or an " I love you." Both used to make me feel as though he had just given me the moon. Now? sometimes I just feel a little jab of pain. And after reading everyone else's response - seems as though this is yet another byproduct of infidelity?
Learningskills
Gettingback: I agree with you, I believe that the loss of intimacy, even those wee compliments, are lost by the dishonest behavior. I don't know quite how that could result in anything else.
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