Sexual Assault Community Group
Women and men around the world are getting sexually assaulted everyday. This will be a friendly place for victims talk about what has happened to them.
Hello. I’m Abby I hope I’m using this website right. But around a year ago I was raped by a boy who was 18 and I was just turned 15. I suppressed the thought of it for 6th months I just totally forgot that’s how I dealt with it. And then something triggered me and it all just came flooding in. My boyfriend at the time didn’t understand and would force me to let him do all the things that would give me flashbacks and make me panic. The lights would change in my eyes and my boyfriend suddenly became the boy who raped me. And he didn’t understand so he would force things on me to try and get me better according to his agenda. I blocked that out too and I met someone else who didn’t understand either. I would break down in his arms every time we got even a little intamate. One time he got me drunk to see if I would loosen up but it just made it worse. Eventually since I didn’t have the ability to give him the sex he wanted he cheated on me and broke my heart. I dealt with the breakup as healthy as I could and I’m okay now I’ve been okay. I’m with this other person now and he’s so sweet. But he doesn’t understand. I try to explain but he thinks I should be over it. He respects me but I can’t talk to him at all about it and it’s been bottling up in me and I’m so lost and I’m so hurt and I cry every night remembering what happened and I hate myself so much and I don’t know what to do.
And it SUCKS that our society has no concept of how (excuse my french) fucking devastating this can be, and no you SHOULD NOT be over it! Why would you be over it? Your previous boyfriends who forced you to continue to do things you were uncomfortable with, that were giving you PTSD, were WRONG. They were wrong and shitty.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that hon.
I just want you to know you're not alone. I've had problems with sex my whole life, but I don't remember being raped or attacked or anything like that. It has just terrified me at times.
I was in a 6 year relationship with a very loving man and no sex. It did frustrate him, but his love for me was MORE IMPORTANT than his need for sex. (I also did my best, gave him what I could.) We had to communicate carefully, and our love and affection overcame our problems (for a while.) We didn't really break up over sex issues. It was just time.
I have been on a healing path, and you need one too. Find healing! You deserve it. Don't listen when both men and women expect you to forget what happened. I use yoga, tarot, meditation, etc. Perhaps therapy would work for you. Find what works! If this current boyfriend can work through it with you, that's great! But if he's not willing to do the work--including reading some articles and books on how to understand what you are going through--he might not be the right person for you.
Feel free to private message me, hon. And remember to LOVE YOURSELF. What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT. You are beautiful, and you didn't fucking deserve any of this, and you are doing your best. Ok? *big hugs* sending you love