Back in January, I was sexually assaulted by a friend of mine (I was touched without my consent, forced to straddle him, he fondled by breasts, tried stick his hands in my pant several times without my permission,kept asking me to kiss him. I would also like to note that he wasn't allowing me to leave. I kept tellling him I wanted to go home.) For ten months, I knew that was sexual assault. I was broken for months, I isolated myself, planned to hurt myself and I was paranoid all the time. For months I went through hell, absolute hell. 

Anyways, about two months ago, my brain was making it seem like I fabricated my claim, I told people he assaulted me to get back at him (even though I never went to the school until a month or so later and I only told my 3 closest friends). For months, I was crying, panicking all the time, wanting to be left alone, I kept replaying it all the time in my head. I tried so hard to forget about it or to downplay it in some way. I tried so hard to forget now I'm trying to remember because I didn't lie about what he did to me. I didn't do it to be malicious either. I tried to forget it and move on but I couldn't let him get away with that. It really hurt me that someone I called a friend did that to me and then all of a sudden the morning after, he wanted to distance himself from me. He knew he messed up and I did too. 

Now my brain is calling me a liar and I want to harm myself. I remember all the feelings I had after the assault but my brain just invalidates me. I'm scared because I don't know what to do. If things don't let up, I'll hurt myself.