It wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally came to terms that he sexually assaulted me. He was already mentally abusive and borderline physically abusive. Ironically he was in school to become a pastor at the time. I was trying to help him study. He got an answer wrong, and I corrected him. I just remember him giving me this eerie smile before he went to take my pants off. I shyly told him no. I guess he thought I was flirting. I told him to stop but he didn’t. He flipped me on my stomach and continued. I didn’t put up much of a fight. I just muffled my cries and waited for it to end. When he finished, I just remember laying there feeling like this empty shell of myself. Thankfully I managed to leave him a few months before our wedding. Fast forward to now and I’m married to a wonderful man and have three beautiful kids. The assault still haunts me. I didn’t realize how much until I ran into my ex’s mother. She told me he was getting married soon. I showed zero emotion and passed along congratulations. Apparently the woman he’s marrying is a mom. Since then, I have had this overwhelming sense of guilt for not reporting his abuse. What if he’s doing the same things to her that he did to me? At least there wasn’t a kid in the mix back then. I can’t shake it, and now I just relive it over and over again. I have been so happy with my new life that I had nearly forgotten him. Now, he’s managed to creep back into my thoughts and scare me again. I hate it and I hate that I couldn’t recognize the assault for what it was back then. I hope that woman isn’t going through what I did. I just can’t forgive myself.