For the first few years, it was my son. He’s very young and I didn’t want to set that example for him. Lately, I’ve been working hard to find other joys — aside from sexual contact with my SO — and it’s hard but I also know that within our marriage, she’s my best friend and although I might not get sex as frequently as I’d like, she is trying to make the effort over the last six months.

For a lot of people I think the effort matters. If someone doesn’t even care to try, that’s where it gets ugly — I know it did for me and my spouse.

Take the flat!!! As you may remember I have been living apart from my wife for a year and it’s been really good for me. I feel healthier now as I can see how wrapped up in her energy I was. I mean that’s what happens in a relationship and it’s a nice thing but after 30 years it had taken on a life (or lack of) of its own. Mostly we allowed stagnation to settle in and living apart has shaken that up. Liberating is a good word to describe it. My situation has made it easy for both of us though. I’ve been working hard on myself for the last three years and she’s seen the effects of that and has been doing what she can for herself too. So we are able to be honest and loving. Having that support is really sweet. So if I didn’t have that as I suspect you don’t, then the separation would be harder. Scary even, I get that. Still worth the freedom. You don’t know what may happen. He may discover that he’s been sleep walking through life and wake up to the wonder of you. I was planning on divorce and now we get together for dates and have real talks. So I’m just seeing how it unfolds without putting any expectations on it. We live like we’re single and it may be the spark we needed. It’s exciting to know that there’s no guarantee that we’ll be together. A few years ago that would have made me nervous but now I’ve accepted that change is a necessary part of life.
So I stay because I love her and I feel that we’re doing something different Without that I have the courage now to end it. I will not live in limbo again.
I wish you luck in beginning a new life:) Life happens outside our comfort zone

for me it's mostly lack of options. i'm disabled and can barely do anything for myself thanks to a combination of work related injuries and a bone disease that's got me all gnarled up with a screwed up back and a buttload of pain pretty much 24/7.. so being able to work isnt even an option. that means no money of my own. no family or friends able or willing to help.

there's also a bit of almost stockholm syndrome or whatever cause she's just nice enough to me to make me feel guilty for wanting to go. she'll be an unholy terror to me for the longest time and just when i'm about to say fuck it i dont care if it means me dying in a gutter somewhere i'm out of here then she's all tears and apologies and swearing she doesnt mean to act out and promises she'll try and be better but after 19 years? yeah i know better..

but still, we've been together so long and we do mostly get along but it's almost more as a frenemy type situation or just really shitty roomies.. i know if i ever do get out of here, i'm going to miss her so much it's going to almost kill me because she's been all i've known for so long. there's also that fear that i'm so fucked up not only physically but in my head as well cause of all the crap she's put me thru that i dont know that anyone else would want me.. i have almost nothing to offer anyone new so part of me wonders why even bother? why not just ride it out till the end? hell my health sucks so bad now the end is prolly closer than i think.. or at least part of me hopes..

how fucked up is it you'd rather be dead than with someone?

She has no one else. Her family are selfish arseholes and her friends all. moved away. I'm literally all she's got. The strain of it is incredible and I'm getting sicker from it as time passes, but i don't have the strength to leave her totally alone despite how badly she treated me.

My husband and I love each other and get along really well. Unfortunately, our sexless marriage issue comes from a mix of depression and PTSD stemming from childhood trauma. Our sex life or lack there of, is complicated but our love is not.

I can’t afford to leave and if I do he will file a restraining order on me. He has the last time I left.
He will also take my children from me

I can't afford to leave and the mental impact this marriage with him has caused me I can't get myself out of this. When I did finially leave once it was really bad and a total smear campaign but not just little things BIG things that could have caused me and my kids harm. I also don't have any help from family or friends or much support at all. Not enough to take my kids and get out. Not yet. I feel like he's sabotage this marriage with me cause he wants out. And he knows if he takes everything we have away till there's nothing left then that's his way out. But it's just dragging on and in cause soon as I say okay do it. Divorce me. He backs out and is sorry and gonna change. For the last 7 years it's been like this. And I feel so bad about myself. The trama bond is very strong. Enough to make me physically sick. It's destroying me. But I'm afraid to go. Idk what's worse. That's why I stay. Nobody will ever put up with this like I do. He will never find someone who cares like me. He knows that. I know that. But I have to think about myself and my kids too. I'm tired of everything being about him and what he wants and what he needs. Wtf about me? I feel like a slave. Just here to cook and clean and sign papers and fix it when he messes stuff up and someone to blame for his faults and to step on after having a bad day at work. It's all crazy. I do realize that. Just don't know how to overcome my issues.