Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
I am reaching out for advice. I have been married to my wife for almost 36 years. Unfortunately, the last 10 years has been sexless. To the point where she does not want to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, or any other intimate pleasures. I have brought this up and we've had discussions about my needs. Tells me that she is going through menopause and perimenopause for the last 10 years. She also shared that she cannot see old people like us having any type of sex life. We have had a great life together and no talking about divorce. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me. I really don't know what to do and she has no idea what to do. She is unwilling or unable in her mind to go to counseling. My best case scenario is we work it out but it does not look like that will happen. I just don't know what to do anymore. I also want to say that in every other way things are good. I feel guilty for bringing it up to her but it is a need for me and now I'm starting to be resentful when I go to bed at night.
My stbx has not touched me in more than 12 years except for an occasional peck here and there. There is a big difference with my situation though. I have given my all and had to do almost everything while he does nothing. For me that resentment is front and center. He is perfectly content as things are because all of his needs are being met. He wants a roommate, cook, maid, and nurse. I have finally come to realize that I too have needs and not 1 is being met.
It's good that everything else is going well, but that makes it bittersweet. Someone you love so much but denies you such a big deal. Your resentment is understandable. The biggest reason for women to shut down is menopause. I sometimes wonder if for some is just an excuse. I am just beyond it myself (Hate to admit that though) I have also had my share of folks thinking I should get out the rocker and rescue some cats--- why the hell should I think about sex anymore??? augh I have to say- after NOT having something for SO LONG you think about it a lot. (Yes, I often have sex on the brain. lol. there is a group of us on here too.)
If you do have an otherwise good relationship, maybe if at the right moment you could share how you d0 still feel and want her, but things are building and you don't like how it is making you feel.? I really think that counseling would help you both be able to understand what the other is going through but also just how much you need that closeness and connection. To me, when they just shut down and only think of themselves and don't give two shits (forgive my mouth) about how absolutely horrible it is for us I get so very angry.
All I know is if you let the resentment (and then anger) fester it will do more damage to the both of you. Hang in there. And KNOW you are not too old to even think about sex anymore!!! (there are some in their 70s still going strong. So you have a big window ahead, wink, wink)
Hugs
It's the no affection that concerns me.
Has something happened in your marriage that she resents you for, an affair or some kind of abuse?
I think you need to look within for this one, before you start resenting her too.