Hello and welcome to the group. There are so many of us from 20s to 70s (men and women both) who are also struggling in the same situation. for one reason or another.

I have been married for 17 years (the last 12 with no affection aside from a quick peck,, physical touch, little communication, no help of any kind and no sex) Unhappy , angry, resentful is how I have been feeling for some time. He just shut down (both emotionally and physically) and goes through the motions. Perfectly content and no desire for sex. Tried that for awhile. No way to live with NOTHING to look forward to.

My heart goes out to you. If you are not yet married, I would say you have your life and so much ahead of you. He may have an issue and is afraid to check into it or just doesn't care. Please know that whatever it is , it is NOT your fault. Often their years of not touching or barely looking at us makes us feel like unattractive, undesirable garden slugs.... So far from the truth. You are still the same person you were and deserve to be happy (not embarassed or shamed for simply being human. For you, so many more fish in the sea.

Hugs, Kim

thankyou

Welcome Mary and I'm sorry you are going through this stuff too. Does he ever tell you he loves you? It bothers me that he doesn't want to show some affection. You are young and in the prime of your life. I'm going to be blunt here. If he doesn't want to talk about it or seek some medical help if he is impotent, then It's time to move on. You deserve better. Human beings are meant to have partners and your man is not being a good one. We all want to be loved and shown affection. I've given up because of my age, though I still have desires even though other men in my condition don't care anymore!! Please, give it a lot of thought. You're young and deserve more!

The lack of affection, or rather the withholding of affection, would be unbearable for me. When a partner/spouse refuses all vital parts of a relationship, why do they think that’s acceptable?!?! And the disrespect towards you to blow up when you attempt to discuss a topic which is causing you pain in the relationship. Veggiequeen is right...more fish in the sea. If he’s unwilling to seek help, change, or even discuss it, you might consider fishing in a different hole.

If there is no affection, if he blows up about it, then it is likely time to walk away. I can live with being sexless but I cannot live in a marriage [or a relationship] without affection.

Hi Mary,

I'm not in quite the same situation as you are but sometimes I can get my husband to snuggle with me a bit. He knows that the lack of sex in our relationship breaks my heart and he is willing to at least give me a little bit of time with his arm around me on the couch. Maybe try letting him know how something small like that could make giant improvements on your happiness and see if he is willing.