I know this post was made two years ago but I am new to the site and just now seeing it.

I can so relate! We just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary and while I think he loves me to some extent, our relationship is not typical husband and wife.

It is going on 7 years now since we had sex and yes, it is devastating. I've gained weight since having kids and from using food to cope with things. However at times I have lost weight hoping that might change things but it doesn't.

I love him just as much today as I did when we got married, if not more. But to love someone and want to be with them knowing they want nothing to do with you physically or emotionally is very hard to deal with. I completely understand.

Hello, Longing111. I know just how you feel. I have been married for 4 years now and I am completely unwanted in 'that way'. Just as you say, it normally ends up being an argument or just any possible excuse on his part. It is becoming unbearable...

I've been married 22 years, and feel the same. We made love twice last year. And it isn't even a topic I can bring up with my wife. And she believes I am the one who needs to adjust because she just isn't ever in the mood anymore. So it's hard, but maybe there are other ways to meet the need for intimacy. Completely non-sexual ways, I mean. I don't know if there are, but I hope so.

I am 20+ years married and somewhat given up hope. Physically, among other things, sex is no longer an option and hasn't been for years. Was looking for support from people in a similar situation, finding only online message boards. Anyone find any help in individual psychologist therapy? Doesn't seem to be much out there in the way of groups.

Hello...
I too realize all these posts are from some time back.....but right now I myself can certainly relate and understand. I will be married 15 years in September (if I last that long). For the last 10 of those 15 years I have had no sex or very little physical touch. It is very disheartening. I reached a point where I just completely shut down and went through the motions with absolutely nothing to look forward to. I was settling....convinced this was it.....(I did say for better or worse.)

Then I innocently enough answered a simple chat "hello". This would allow me to open up and share everything with someone who would encourage and support me....accepting the good and the bad...accepting and caring about ME just as I am.

It was as if he flipped the switch....suddenly I was actually feeling and aching for that connection again and all that comes with it. From him (and a few others) I was starting to feel attractive, sexy, smart, caring, desirable, and coming to realize it was ok to uncover a naughty, playful side I had always been ashamed of before.

I think we all need to find somewhere or someone who does give us what we so desperately need. In our perfect world we should be getting this from our spouses....For me...right now... I have decided to take it wherever I can get it. We need to realize that whatever we are not getting is not because of anything we did...but more from their own struggles or issues....

I agree completely with your last statement. We cannot blame ourselves. Yes, we may have things we could work on, but the promise of marriage is "to have and to hold" "for better or for worse". We should be held even as we have things that we need to work on. I believe that fault lays with the one doing the rejecting.
I'm glad you've found someone to who meets your needs. I don't condemn it, but it's different for me. I've made promises that I have to keep. They don't allow me to look for that connection outside of my marriage. That makes me feel trapped because I have no hope of our sex life improving, I can't find that wholeness outside of marriage, and I can't leave my marriage without breaking a promise that is very important to me. This is tough!