I am so sorry to hear that you are still going through this crap. I know all too well what it is like to be under the same roof but feel like we shared nothing but a bunch of bills and a last name.

Like you, I wound up having to do the work around the house with virtually no help from him. (I can count the times on one hand when he actually did do a thing-- and then it was because I was laid up ) The minute he knew I was able, he was done...such a prince. HA

I put up with it for 12 yrs of a 17 yr marriage. My late husband did wind up with health issues so he was home on disability for the last few years, but he could have done a little something while here 24/7, but instead I worked 40 hrs then came home to do it all... expected to take car of him and the house. I was exhausted and grew so angry and resentful.

I send many hugs . Lord knows all of us in this group could use some hugs and gropes and all that affection we all are aching for. Happy V Day..

thanks veggiequeen --
unfortunately -- this is all "old news" for me. we've been married 20+ years. it just seems "worse" recently. sigh -- maybe it's the covid stuff keeping us in closer quarters --- who knows. but --- just because it's been happening for awhile -- doesn't make it right -- or any easier to deal with i guess.

happy valentine's day --- hope you do something awesome for yourself today :)

sorry you're having such a rough time but you're not alone.. many of us are in similar situations where we feel, often rightly so, ignored by the ones who are supposed to love us especially on Valentine's Day!

i bent over backwards today despite my body not wanting to cooperate and being in a buttload of pain so that i could make a shmancy dinner for my girl and didnt even get a thank you never mind any other shows of appreciation but it's to be expected.. like you, i feel more like a roomie or personal assistant than i do a boyfriend so i totally get it..

i do hope things get better for you tho.. and who knows.. maybe if you did start walking around naked maybe he'd notice? or better yet get naked and go sit in his lap.. if he doesnt notice then you'd better check for a pulse! XD who knows maybe he just needs a little wake up call to realize what he's missing out on.. after all he's only a guy and us guys arent always that smart. ;p

lol -- in 20+ years of marriage -- i've been there done that, anything you could possibly think of. never ends well.

oh man.. i'm really sorry to hear that! i dunno.. i dont get how anyone could just ignore the person you're supposed to be heads over heels for.. it kills me that i cant show my affection to her even by just cuddling on the couch with her just cause i know it'd start a fight..

oh well.. way my health keeps going downhill i prolly wont have to put up with it much longer anyways. how messed up is it that i'm almost looking forward to it? least i wouldnt have to be so miserable all the time any more..

anywhoo.. sorry to be so morbid.. in kind of a funk lately.. i still hope things get better for you at some point! we all deserve to be happy!

I am so sorry for all of you. I am unfortunately right there with you. Valentine's Day, our anniversary, all holidays with him suck. It just reinforces that I don't matter. I am a roommate but without any benefits. The only thing he does is sometimes watch our son and take the dog outside. He doesn't help out with the house work or any of the bills. To top it off he criticizes how I parent, what I spend money on and how I clean. I fear at times I am going to crack because How dare he criticize me when he does nothing. I too am tired of feeling invisible and like my feelings don't matter. I am tired of trying to figure him out because it just doesn't make any sense to me. We were madly in love and had a wonderful sex life. Yes we went through some difficult times but that doesn't mean you just give up. Who gave them the right to just give up. All of us are worth the effort, we are kind, loving people. We deserve love and kindness in return and part of a loving marriage is sex. I am so tired of feeling like it's a weakness to want it, to expect it. I never thought it would be so hard to go without out. It's been over two years now and you'd think I'd have gotten over it. But we have no physical contact what so ever and it doesn't make for a nice life. Thank goodness my kids give me lots of hugs otherwise I think I'd die. I totally get all of the pain and the desire to die to end all of us. It really really hurts. Please don't give up I don't know how it will get better or when it will get better but it just has to. Keep reaching out. You matter and the fact that we can talk to each other about this matters. I am so grateful for DS.

That was beautifully said Bkind... and I feel all your pain.
Everytime I mental decide I'm done. That's it's... I'm getting my stuff in order to walk, he does something that makes me think... is he just throwing me a scrap to survive or could this be the start of change?? Up till this point all scraps... it's been almost 2 years since we've been intimate and that was only the 2nd time in the last 5 years.... I'm 41 now... I thought marriage was promise of many things including sex. I have held up my end of it and then some... he has dropped the ball completely. Big hugs and love as we all deserve it. Because we have each other just reaffirms we are just in our feelings... I'm making a new post as my brain is now on overload. Lol

I have wondered if doing to much for your spouse actually causes issues. What I meen is my wife has never cooked, which is fine to me because I use cooking as a release so I have done all the cooking for the last 38 years. But I also do all the cleaning, laundry, finances, and of course all the repairs and maintenance around the house. So technically I do everything. She is responsible to colors and decorating because I suck at that. But I wonder if I do to much and she does not appreciate it anymore and that is why it does not help her feel in the mood... I know sounds stupid when I write it out.... I am just trying to find out why she doesn't have interest in sex.

YYC.... I dare say you are on the same side as me. I would wind up doing everything in my mind I think because that is how women in my family were brought up. They were loving, giving and did all for their husbands and children. Sadly they did not get much back and lost their sense of selves.

In your case, I think you are also caring and taking all on to try to ease her depression. Maybe suggest her helping with something (dinner or laundry...) To promote togetherness....or at least get a word or two of appreciation

It's almost impossible for us to fathom their complete contentment with simply going through the motions day after day.