To me , it is so frustrating when our partners have no desire or need for affection or that connection. The fact that it DOES still mean something to us and we actually crave it, but they still do not put forth any type of effort (or even seem to care)-- To me this feels cruel and kind of like I am not worth the effort.
We need to remember that they are the one with the problem (or issue) Not that this makes it any better. Have you tried counseling? Maybe that would help? I did try explaining how it makes me feel with my stbx. Unfortunately, he refuses to listen and sees no reason to even check into things. Almost makes me feel like I am a perve when what I am is human (and just aching for affection, physical touch and yes--sex.My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are forced to deal with this too. Hugs.

Yes. Most of the time I feel unattractive and not worth the effort. But I refuse to give up on my marriage no matter how frustrated I am. I know that our society today says you have the right to split and find the nympho of your dreams, but I know we love eachother. With love, there is hope, and if i wait long enough, it wont matter anymore. Eternity is a long time.

That i the thing, they don't realize how this does affect us. (I also feel about as attractive and desirable as a garden slug. For you, I say maybe if you did try to tell her how you do feel and maybe suggest counseling, it may help you both. I wish you the best.

Thanks
I have suggested that and told her. Just doesnt rate as important.

SuperDave64, I feel your pain. I'm going through it just like most everyone else. I totally agree with veggiequeen's comments. They hurt us and don't realize it. Everything else she said is right on, too.
You stated that Biblically that marriage is more than sex. But there is something in the Bible that talks about denying your spouse sex. Here is a paraphrasing of those verses.

Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

”... to avoid engaging in illicit sex of any kind, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. The husband should ensure his wife’s sexual needs are met and the wife should make sure her husband’s sexual needs are met. The wife does not have the exclusive authority or right to deny her husband over her own body and neither does the husband. Don’t withhold sex from each other, unless you both agree for a time so you can fast and pray about a particular issue. Then, be sure to commence (or start) having sex so Satan doesn’t have an opportunity to tempt you to have sex with someone else."

This may be something that you'd like to discuss with her. I wish you the best and hope you two can figure things out.

Thanks guys! Yes, i know that scripture. But after you're married, if something goes whacky, like this situation, we are supposed to follow our marriage vows and "for better or for worse", we have to be a team. If she were in a coma then I would never cheat on her. That is how I've been existing for the last few years. But that doesn't mean i like it. I agree, she does not have the same sex drive that i do...at all...not even close...not no way...not no how...sigh.

I feel your pain, Dave! I guess we just continue on, pray and hope for a miracle.

It’s painful that the one person who should be there isn’t. No cuddling no handholding and definitely no romance or sex. It’s not all her fault but I should have said something years ago... about 15 years now. Married 20 years...

Lonely4EVR Exactly. It's always me that has to make something happen and then the world tilts. It's absolutely normal when we sit across the room watching TV and lay in a bed as far apart as possible. I'm a software engineer and it's really tempting to build somebody who would show a little more warmth than a brick.

@superdave--- If you do come up with a model, I would definitely like one too. lol. (I would like a male prototype , maybe 5'10" or so)