Sexless Marriage Community Group

This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.

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Relationships & Sexuality
/ Sexless Marriage Support Group

Sexless Marriage for 3 1/2 years

soxfaninfl
soxfaninfl

Hi Everyone,


I’m new to the group. I’ve been with my wife since May of 2013. We married in January of 2015. The marriage became sexless after 6 months of marriage due to depression, anti depressants, unemployment and bankruptcy. Also, my ex-wife hasn’t given us issues, so we’ve had to take her to court. We’ve only been having sex once a year now. It’s been 13 months since the last time we made love. Basically I’ve only had sex 3 times in 3 years now.


I’m miserable! I do love my wife very much, but I’m miserable that we don’t have sex but once a year. I haven’t cheated on her but it crosses my mind from time to time. I will never cheat on her. I’d rather leave than do that to her. I miss so bad being able to touch a women sexually. I masturbate daily to deal with my sexual urges. My wife is 48, and I’m 43.


She started to have health issues in March also, so we are trying to figure out what is wrong with her. We think it’s lupus or fibromyalgia. Also, her thyroid is irregular. I plan to take her back to counseling once we figure out what is wrong with her. We went to couple of sessions before and we had sex but it went back to a sexless marriage aft her having sex only once.  


I think about leaving all the time but I don’t want to leave her. I love her very much. She had also been a great stepmother to my 14 year old son. I also don’t want him to go through another divorce. His mother left me when he was 7. I was married to my first wife for 9 years. 


I never though I’d be in this situation. My ex-wife, and I never went more than a week in 13 years together. 


Thanks for reading my post. 


Patsfaninfl

veggiequeen
veggiequeen
Welcome to our group. There are so many of us here (from 20s to 70s) for various reasons and you have touched on several. it's very hard to be with someone you love and have them not want to (or be unable to) touch you.

I have been married almost 16 years (but for the last 11, there has been no affection, help of any kind or barely any communication..) My stbx did shut down both physically and emotionally . i tried to do the same for awhile, but it was no way to live. With nothing to look forward to, I dreaded each new day.

The hardest thing for us (the ones who do want and miss affection... and sex) is being with another who has NO interest or desire. Often they do try to make us feel guilty for simply wanting ( and needing) a very basic need. We are human.

With all you two are dealing with, imho... I think it is far better if you both are able to communicate how you are feeling and what you BOTH are going through. Understanding and being there for each other will be good for the two of you. Counseling or therapy will definitely help too.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs
Mellanie
Mellanie
Sad but, at the same time, beautiful words. You still have love for your wife and that makes a lot of difference. I hope she can recognize such a noble feeling and you both can have a normal marriage.
soxfaninfl
soxfaninfl
Thank you for your kind words veggiequeen!
soxfaninfl
soxfaninfl
Thank you, Melanie! I do love her very much. It’s just very hard being with someone that has no desire to be intimate with their spouse. I feel like I’m just dying inside. Some days are just extremely hard, and I just want to leave. I just can’t because I love her too much.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
In another response i think you mentioned her gaining some weight and sometimes being a little bossy. I found it so amazing to hear you say you do still love her just as much and want her just the same. Speaking as another who put on some pounds and is now working hard to get them off, I would ask of she does know this? So often, we are so hard on ourselves and believe when we are not the perfect little size 6, you guys won't want us.
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
Depression in any form is tough on intimacy. Even if it’s as basic as anxiety and being overwhelmed by life and it’s seemingly endless responsibilities. What I found was that she was as lonely and craving affection as I was. We just lost our communication skills and couldn’t talk about it. Have you actually gently, lovingly touched her just for her relaxation and pleasure? No strings attached so to speak? You have to break the ice and remind her how nice a hug, a kiss, a squeeze can feel. I know how awkward the first attempts can feel. Work through it. That’s my advice. Maybe too optimistic. What do I know? I do admire your commitment to not hurting her. That’s compassion. A rarer trait these days. You may be able too make that work for you
justsoalone
justsoalone
I feel your pain and pray you find what you need in your relationship. My wife is also a few years older than me and experiencing problems as a result of menopause. Your wife might be enduring the same. I appreciate reading about your compassion as well. It’s hard to stay compassionate when you feel rotten and neglected and rejected. But I see your point in not wanting to leave either. I can’t bring myself to do it or even think about it. I get angry and hurt and lonely. I try to push past my feelings and image hers but it’s not easy at all. Don’t give up. Don’t let go of how you feel about her for how you feel right now about yourself.
RobCinMtP
RobCinMtP
Reading posts on DS helps me a lot; prior to finding it I thought I was the only one in such a relationship. It sucks that there are so many of us, but at least we aren’t alone in the struggle. My partner battles severe depression and is now going through menopause. I’ve never had a relationship where intimacy was an issue. I am not talking sex at this point - I would be over the moon to cuddle or hold hands. I can masterbate to release, but I have no replacement for touch or the feeling of being close with someone. I stuck with my alcoholic ex wife for 12 years before giving up. I then spent the next 5 years getting to a point where I could consider dating again. It have only been with my partner for 2 years. She is sweet and wonderful, but we have had zero physical contact in 16 months. Some days it feels lonelier in a relationship without intimacy than when I was alone. Even though it hurts, I understand how you feel - I love my partner beyond words and can’t imagine life without her. I wish you the best.