That's rough. I feel for both of you.

I've been having that same conversation with myself for about 10 years. Sometimes feeling shallow for thinking of ending a marriage over sex.

All I can say is that at 52, sex is no where near as important as it was at 36, so it's easier now. I do miss the intimacy.

Thank you.
It’s just so hard to think about being in this state for 15 years (after the time I’ve already been suffering) before it’s get to the point when it’s not as important.

Welcome to the group. Often our spouses do try to shame or guilt us for even trying to open a discussion to even say how hard this is or simply how it makes us feel. At just 36 you should not even have to think about no sex forever.

Forgive me for being so bold (I used to be very quiet, shy and ashamed of my body or even thinking about sex. I'm afraid I was taught wrong and far too well when just a teen) I have opened up and shared with so very many who have been through so very much. I also now have found my voice and a bold curiosity. I do tend to say what is on my mind . I wonder maybe if oral is or could be a part of things for you? Or do you at least have toys for you that maybe he would consider "helping you " with on occasion?

Just a thought

Everyone's circumstances are different. I did not even venture out to start a life of my own til I was your age. Just had 2 fwbs before hubby then just 5 years of little sex before he would shut down completely. I would go the next 12 years with nothing , growing very angry and resentful. But I did learn how to find some of what I was missing from others.... and
some satisfaction from my toys.

Sadly, my "window" for sex was a mere 10 years and I had just the few encounters with 3 minute men. My new curiosity did help me uncover so much of what I have missed out on (not only in life , but sex) So I am in my late 50s now (very big frown here) but I have discovered I am not dead yet and I do still have this desire and curiosity.

I am not sure how your marriage is otherwise? Some seem to have the emotional connection and friendship and do come up with ways to cope with the lack of sex but still share strong bonds. I am hoping maybe that is the case. For me I was simply a cook, maid, nurse and roommate.... that was not enough anymore.

Good for you, on finding your voice and boldness :).
We have a very up and down relationship sometimes we are great and then other times we are not on the same page.
My husband is not a thoughtful man and he has giving up and accept that his in ability to please me with sex is just the way it is.
We have toys and he does oral which I appreciate but he has low libido and is hardly ever interested.
I’m not blameless, I accept the toys and oral but then I get to a place where I just want to have sex with my husband feel that closeness and in all honesty really crave the feeling.

Sorry to hear about your troubles but it sounds like he's still at least trying so maybe there's still hope? I saw you said you tried medications so I'm assuming you were talking about viagra? What about holistic stuff? Maybe you could look into seeing if any of that might work? If he's still willing to do oral then it sounds like he hasn't entirely given up on at least trying which means it seems like you're still a lot better off than some of us.

I really really hope you guys manage to find a fix for your issues!

Has he tried Testosterone injections? The gel doesn't work very well and even my urologist doesn't recommend it. Another is diet and exercise. Exercise combined with vitamin D3 and Zinc will increase testosterone production. And it will make him feel better being more active. It's something you and him can do together.

You’re right I am grateful he hasn’t completely give up. Do have any suggestions for holistic approaches because I reasearched it endlessly and haven’t found anything with good results or reviews.

He never tried the injections. He doc just told him to double up the gel and if that doesn’t work then he needs to see a specialist. I don’t care for his doc as he doesn’t seem to want to help just try the minimum and pass him off.

I feel the exact same way! I am 41 and I don’t know what I am going to do. I am so baffled by this. I have spoken to my wife anout this and nothing is changing. I am at my wit’s end!

Yep. I hear ya. It’s so hard. So many people say I’m ungrateful for what I have but, it’s not that simple. I do appreciate what I have but, when does it become acceptable to be unhappy in our situations. I know a ton of people have it way worse off than I do. My heart breaks for them , soooo sooo much but that minimize what we’re dealing with. I love to commiserate with everybody and not judge.

I hate that people are quick to judge a situation by what they see on the outside. I think I have a great marriage, but I am in need of sexual satisfaction. It hurts my heart because of this problem.

Has he explored counseling ? Sometimes, when these issues can’t be treated medically, it’s because of a psychological origin. Like trauma and abuse when he was younger. Or possibly anxiety and depression. Or PTSD. Just a possibility to consider.