Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
I went through an illness and ended up having a full hysterectomy. When I went through that and turned 40 my husband backed away. I wonder sometimes if I'm even a woman or sexual being. I feel like a blob. I'm irrelevant. I hit menopause. I packed on 100 pounds. I'm depressed it was do bad I was suicidal. I didnt act on it. I knew enough that it was wrong and seemed help through my doctor and found a psychologist. It's been 3 and a half years since I've had sex. My husband doesnt touch me or look at me. He doesnt even sit next to me on the couch. I feel so isolated. I looked at his Facebook he sends porn to all his friends and they send it back to him. He even sends inappropriate things to a woman he works with. There was no flirting or chats just videos and memes. I feel humiliated. He has no interest in me and I'm right here. He works construction and I feel like I'm being mocked or something by people he works with. The girl he messages nicknamed him slut bitch in the chat. If hes not cheating how can he be a slut? I asked him if he wanted a divorce. He denies cheating. He says I'm crazy and unstable (he uses my menopause and depression against me). I just know things aren't right. Hes extra nice to me.. it's odd. This weekend he cooked supper and all meals and even did things around the house. When hes normally very lazy and I do everything while he sits and watches. I'm convinced hes cheating. Why else would he be called a slut? If hes not cheating sexually he is cheating emotionally. I want to leave but all I think of is I'm useless and worthless. Nobody wants a fat 40 year old. I'm in so much pain. I just cry 24/7.
And I have more confidence in myself, I like myself more and I am much happier.
You may not be able to change your husband, but you can make changes for the better for yourself.
The thing is, our being isn't based on how others treat us or see us. My stbx shut down physically and emotionally but is content without even thinking about sex. I am older than you (57) so he did try to convince me that I was simply a sex fiend for even worrying about sex (since there are many friend and family content with no sex or very little at our age) I tried that for awhile . For me , it was no way to live... nothing to look forward to... dreading each new day.
We need to remember, when they discount and ignore and barely touch us, it is NOT because of anything we did or didn't do or say. It Is THEIR issue that causes that distance. That feeling of disgust and shame --- believing I am unattractive , unwanted, unlovable... and feeling about as sexy as a garden slug...I knew it well.
You NEED to know you are still who you always were (with or without some extra pounds) Still caring, intelligent, attractive , sexy... just need to start doing things for yourself to make you feel that way again. Concentrate on YOU. Continue to open up and reach out to others (here or in the real world) There are many of us going through similar issues. I have found so much strength , courage and support from so many. You need that... and to take it all in.
The fact that he is being extra nice right now... maybe he is feeling guilty about something. Let him help for a change. This may open a chance for you both to calmly talk... and for you to tell him how you have been feeling. And that you are not happy and can't keep going this way. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.... and hugs! .