Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
OK, perhaps not a term that men can associate with, but as I look through post after post, there are SO MANY of us. Those who do continue to give 100% as our SOs continue to suck up every drop of attention from us. (As I see it, caring people do come in both sexes... and sadly so do those who take and need but are unable to give back)
Some of us are raised to believe it is for better or worse. It does grow hard though as things seem to continue to steamroll downhill and when we finally do muster some courage to very tactfully and carefully to express our needs only to fall on deaf ears. I recall many times that my late husband would very quickly play the victim and hijack the conversation. saying I was blaming or accusing him. It took me awhile to break from the pattern of flipping to defending my intentions of opening up and , in the end, not being able to say a word.
When I finally did reach a point where I did not back down, I continued until I got my feelings out. I was careful not to attack him, but just express how I was feeling . Even though I doubt he heard me, for me it was therapeutic. After years of being discounted and ignored (throughout my life, even before marriage) I finally found my voice. That in itself did help to release some of my anger and resentment. (I came to understand some was aimed at myself for continuing to be silenced and treated badly)
After all I have been through in my life, I have learned much from so many and would be quick to tell you all... We deserve to be happy... to be with someone who does care and wants to work together to make things better for BOTH of us.
I cannot help but feel some sadness as I hear of many of us who feel trapped into being loyal ( for whatever reasons or threats from our SOs) I know I do have my moments of hope and looking forward but then the negative thoughts and hopelessness do creep back. Why is it when I hear so much positive and encouraging words from so many for so long it is so easy for some very cruel hateful words from years ago to bring me to my knees?
I do believe all do deserve to be happy... to feel appreciated and loved.
And still i stay, desperately hoping that one day he will put effort into our marriage, join me in bed , listen to me, notice me, am i really so horrible ?
If i could speak to my younger self it would be - don't waste your life thinking they will change or that it will miraculously get better. Don't ignore the warning signs or your gut feeling that this is not right.
I am nearly at retirement age, my options are reducing and still i stay. I can check my journals from 15 years ago and they are exactly the same as i right today.
It might be hard to leave, but at least you have hope then. By staying there is no hope. There are so so many people on this site that have shown me understanding, kindness and compassion like Kim says you all deserve to feel appreciated and to receive love. just don't make the same mistake that i have.