It's been a hard day as soon as I awoke, disrespected and manipulated to what my wife wants me to be. When it really seems to matter she only cares about herself... I've been biting my tongue for 6 months and have to wait until after Christmas. I and my therapist decided to not ask for sex for 6 mo, see if she ever brings it up or if she changes in anyway.  Nothing changed, never asked for it or even why I stopped asking.  I thought this would be the case but it hurts knowing I was right. I let her live 6 mo the life she wants (as it pertains to sex and never being asked or pursued or complaining that I am dying inside) so the next phase is to discuss with her in just a calm and factual matter.  So how long has it been since we had sex? This gives me an idea how long it's been in her head, my gut says she'll say like 2-4 months and have no idea because she gives no fucks about it.  Once I get that I'll tell her how long it's been then tell her why. I wanted her to have a sample of time where she lived just like she wanted.  Then I can ask her, Is that how you want to live? The reason is for her to tell me what she actually wants and to do it without considering me at all.  If she prefers this arrangement or will continue to not even try to compromise, then I know her wishes.  I'm not trying to change her mind, just understand what she wants, so I can do what I need to. Then it is up to me to decide if I can live with her image of love.  I know I can't, but I need her to decide. I'm done trying to change people, because you cant. I need to know what YOU want to do, so I can decide if I want to be part of that or not. Just like the slap in the face comment she says to me that hurts so much "You do You" It's just another way of saying I don't give a fuck about your thoughts or emotions, dont fucking bother me.  

Oh yeah, I promised a quote, it felt right for the day and how I'm feeling based on the above.

 It is better to be alone and happy in the four walls of your head than to suffer someone’s disrespect, just because you are afraid of loneliness

I know I can do all this shit myself, I dont need her. She treats me like a god damn maid/contractor/chef/banker/co-parent and 90% is good and 10% is god aweful and feels like I have been bamboozeled into marrying her. I fell in love with her passion and desire, I loved her taking what she wanted and now the passion and desire is gone from her, so why be married? Everything I fell in love with is dead, other parts I love about her as here, but the cornerstone was passion and compassion.  A fucking squirrel dead on the side of the road gets more compassion than me. I see how much she can love our dog and kids, but me, no way fuck-o, you had your 15 min of fame.  

So my anxiety is growing as I am within like 3 days of hitting 6 months and calling out this experiment. I never thought I would make it, but I proved to myself I could, I know I will never live 6 mo sex free of a spouse again. I know I can't ever do it again. If its been over 6 mo or like so many of you talk in years, do yourself a favor and ask what you are afraid of, face the fears because you, like me, are already lonely just not alone yet.