Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Thanks for the add. My story is the same as y'all's. Together 28 years, married 26. Weathered many storms together including our son being murdered in a robbery. But my husband had already lost interest in me before the shooting, so that's not the cause.
I'm also sick with multiple autoimmune/genetic/acquired disorders, but he had already denied sex long before these disorders were triggered.
None of the health issues affect my sexuality at all. In fact, sex boosts my immune system and is an instant antidepressant. And lack of sex makes me hypersexual, makes me want it even more.
My disorders aren't an issue except every now and then, when I get extremely sleepy and my lymph nodes swell for two or three days in a row. Then my husband takes over as semi-caregiver, makes sure I eat and have water/meds.
Three years in marriage therapy with our counselor insisting he "Have sex with your wife! Give her the natural medicine/endorphins she needs!" changed nothing. No more therapy because nothing changed on his part. I would dress sexy or wear nothing and get ignored. Multiple attempts would not lure him. He prefers porn.
So like y'all, I'm lonely and frustrated. Need to vent because I sure can't tell anyone I know about this.
Here many of us have the same struggles and have been made to feel like it is our fault . Fact is, we all need to remember that THEY are the ones with the problem. We are still the same people we always were... still attractive, smart, desirable and lovable. We are not sex fiends--- simply human. We need to be touched, shown some affection and made to feel sexy and wanted.
In the real world you may not come across much, but here you will find lots of understanding, many hugs (and even the occasional grope or two. lol) Thinking of you. Kim
Unfortunately, I don’t have time to respond now, but I did want to say a quick hi and offer my deepest condolences on the loss of your son.
What a knife to the heart for him to have ignored the counseling. Their unwillingness to try builds all sorts of anger and resentment. Not to mention what it does to our self esteem.
I’m guessing most of us on here have done everything we can think of in hopes of our spouse finding us desirable again: Those efforts failing is another rejection.
If there is a positive out of your story, it's that you have weathered these storms and also have shown that even with some health issues, one still can have the ability and desire to have sexual relations. That is, if both are willing. I myself have built up alot of anger and resentment towards my spouse because I am constantly rejected. I have to channel my efforts into other things, but they don't replace the rejection completely. Still, it's good to vent and know that you are not alone,
Deaths of three loved ones rocked my world. First one died from domestic violence. Second died from Covid. Third was elderly, and death was a blessing.
Also my daughter had a baby, and three weeks later we discovered her husband had been abusing her the entire marriage, pregnancy, and afterward. My husband ran to help her when she called needing assistance, and got attacked. Daughter’s husband bucked up to the law with the baby in his arms. We have a restraining order and are slowly moving stuff from her place to ours. CPS is now involved, and when they photographed her bruises, there were old, new, and scar tissue. She and husband just moved to our area two months ago, so I was not aware of this severe violence.. I didn’t grow up like this, and didn’t raise my kids like this. It’s like watching a news story, documentary, or hearing about someone else, except it’s actually me... and our friend that died of domestic violence makes me realize that could have been my daughter.
My no-sex relationship with husband hasn’t changed. It’s been a year since intimacy, two years since he moved out of our bedroom. Every day I resent him more. It was his decision to stop having sex, not mine. It was his decision to move out of our bedroom. He gave up on our marriage. He pushed me away. He chose porn. I am so angry. And having all this extra stress just made me not only resent him even more, but I truly am hating him right now. I have no one for support, no sounding board except for y’all, no comfort, no hugs, no sexual connection, nothing. I am truly alone. Einsam, auf Deutsch. That’s how I got my nickname.
I don’t want the baby to be around me while I’m seething with resentment. I know he can feel my tension, and can feel the difference in my personality when I am away from my husband and near my husband. Like I’m two different people. When I am away from him, I’m loving life, dogs, baby, and happy. With him, I have to leave the room and get away, stomach in a knot, hating the dictator I am married to.
He doesn’t want sex, so that means I can’t have any, no toys, videos, friends with benefits. Nothing. To me, that’s a dictatorship marriage when you’re told that you cannot have intimacy with or without the dictator.
Have to pick up groceries curbside now. Thank goodness, that means I can get away from him. Ugh!
Sorry to dump on y’all. So frustrated and lonely. If it weren’t for Covid, I would have broken my wedding vows by now. I can’t remain celibate much longer. I need connection during this stressful time of grieving and pandemic.
On a positive note, I found a doctor that diagnosed even more undiagnosed issues. I’m on the way to recovery. He believes that within 2 years I will be 70-80% better, and 5 years almost well. Can’t get rid of genetics, but I can get rid of controllable issues that are exacerbating genetic issues. Yasssss!!! I am back to having 12,000+ steps on my Fitbit daily. Not well, but definitely on the upswing with with energy. I even planted an herb and veggie garden. Getting away from the moldy environment and also getting accurate diagnoses made so much difference in my life.