Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hi,
I'm a 32F and my husband is a 39M. We've been married a little over a year. We have a very shaky sex life, once or twice a month sometimes less. He has a much lower libido than I do as well as issues with staying hard. He's been to a doctor and it seems the issues are mental, not physical, but he refuses to talk to someone. He can't take viagra for medical reasons. We are trying to get pregnant and it obviously isn't going well. We rarely have time alone because his 15 year old son is always home and my husband can't function sexually if the kid is home because he's afraid he will hear us. I feel embarrassed and like a failure. I feel so alone in my marriage and so unseen I have never posted on an online forum like this before but I'm having such a difficult time. I just want to curl up and cry all the time lately. I guess I want to talk to other people in similar situations, see how they are coping, and not feel like a such a failure.
I know all too well how much it does affect your confidence and self esteem. My late husband completely shut down, both physically and emotionally and expected me to as well. I felt guilty, unattractive, and about as sexy as a garden slug . I also felt I should be able to fix things.
This is his problem.... nothing you did or didn't do. and I am sure you are still as attractive, smart and sexy as you ever were. (Hell, at 32 you're just getting started! ) Hang in there.
I am wondering if you can't ship the son out on occasion for some alone time? Also has hubby considered talking to a counselor or therapist? Could there be uncertainty as far as him wanting another child right now? I understand and know that you would want a baby... but is he on board? Forgive me. I am always curious and trying to help figure things out.
This Friday night a few of us are going to try to be online at the same time to see of we can't try to chat on here. I don't know if you are interested... but certainly welcome. I figured Fri night is usually depressing enough when no affection, little communication and no sex. even when a spouse is still under the same roof.
Hugs, Kim
Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry you are in a similar situation. I have asked him if he is having second thoughts about the baby but he's assured me that's not it. He feels added pressure to perform in the fertile window of the month. I have asked him several times if he will talk to a counselor and he says no every time. We briefly did sex therapy but it quickly became his therapy and my issues/participation were not a priority. We stopped when I had to work out of state for a couple months and didnt go back. We do send the kid to his mom's when we can but it doesn't mean my husband has interest in sex or affection.
I'll look into the Friday night group. I really appreciate the support.
This is his struggle and all you can do is try to be there , listen or try to help him understand (and hopefully seek help) In the meantime please don't let this gnaw away at your own self esteem.
PS that understanding now of what does push some people to do things that before we never would have even considered... I think we now find empathy with others as we suddenly have a better realization of those things that do sometimes happen in a relationship. It is very sad indeed, but it can help us to be more compassionate
Hugs, Kim
I appreciate all your comments you are so sweet and sincere I like to have a friend like you Thank you!