Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hi everyone. I'm glad to find this group. I've been married for close to 17 years (this time) and I'm in a sexless marriage. I was married before and sowed wild oats when younger and when we married I thought I could be ok with his seemingly lack of sex drive. There's so much to my story so I'll start with this rather than write pages that might put you to sleep: I've let myself go, I want to care but don't care how I look anymore, I feel rejected daily by his lack of affection and sex drive. He's addicted to porn and I finally texted him last night as he stayed up late as usual to "do his thing" and told him I've known for years what he's doing, and it's selfish and I feel empty. He responded by coming to bed asking me if I was mad at him - I said mad? No. Do what you want to do. He said he felt weird and promptly went to sleep. I feel the only thing that will snap me into caring about myself is if another man would be attracted to me (I know that's not the answer but I'm so lonely for someone to care) But I push men away and have let myself go to a point I'm not attractive anymore. At all. I'm a mess. Depressed, now too old to start over, and feel I've wasted my life on a guy who will never give me what I need. I quit trying after many discussions about it. They would end with him saying "it's just me" about himself. Other than that he's a good person and I love him. So I'm stuck :(. Thanks for listening.
You are among friends here. Many of us are experiencing this and we each have our own stories. We all have one thing in common- a sexless marriage/relationship. This is a place to talk with others and gain options for you.
Hang in there. Wishing you the best!
I did start to open up and chat and share with others. I would find support, encouragement and yes (ashamed to admit it, but it did wonders to hear other men still do find me desirable and sexy)
I would say it is important for you to discover who YOU are and what YOU want and need. When our spouses no longer want or are willing to turn to us , we need to remember it is not anything we did or didn't do. It is their issue. It is up to us to care about ourselves and remember who we want (or used to be) We are still smart, attractive loving sexy women deep down but when we give up or try to bury that side of us, it is not very likely that anyone else will see it either.
I would say look in that mirror and smile and realize you are the same person you were before. Don't be ashamed or hide, but rather fix yourself up and go out about people. I was very shy and quiet for years. Now I do smile and often share some idle chit chat with others. It does do wonders for your self esteem just from sharing some smiles and communication with others.
PS I also struggle from putting on some pounds. I now have some extra hips and curves too I am working on losing some, but still know how so many people still judge us by a first glance and that does suck. But you know what? That is their loss .
Hang in there. Hugs, Kim
Its good to try to fix the problem, to try to steer the other marriage partner. Sometimes with patience it can be done. Sometimes you have to know when to give up. At that point one needs closure. That is where officially being sexless comes in. You agree to be sexless with each other. No more asking, no more saying no. No more being pushed away. But, in order to agree to be sexless, there has to be something agreed to. How do you meet your sexual needs. How does he meet his sexual needs.