Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
I came home tonight with my husband after a family dinner at my parents place. We left early at my prompting, hoping that if we got home at a reasonable hour my husband would have more of an interest in sex. No luck. We've been married six years. And in October after years of discussion we decided to start trying for a child. In December he announced to his whole family that we are trying. I would not mind that if he would actually have sex with me more than once or twice a month. And every time it's me initiating the sex. We've had trouble with this for years and he said he will go to the doctor but he just went for the first time in ten years (again at my insistence) and came back having not talked to his doctor about it. Now I don't want to go to family functions because every time I get cornered by one it more family members asking if I am pregnant and when I say no they ask if I've seen my doctor to find out if there is a problem. I want to scream, "not on my end!" First we haven't even been trying a year and I can hardly say we've been trying at all. The only time my husband says he wants me at all is first thing in the morning when he wakes up with an erection but it is so rare he does anything about it and when he does I end up feeling like a bed warmer because it is nothing but satisfying his need before it's over. I don't remember the last time I felt like my husband really wanted me. And now I have all these people looking at me like I'm defective because I'm not pregnant yet. It's not like I'm going to actually say, " Go tell my husband that getting pregnant requires having sex with your wife and maybe I'll have some luck." I have trouble at this point even trying anymore because he rejects me so often for any reason at all. He's even turned me down because he was too busy opening mail. Mail is more of a priority! I really don't think I can keep handling the rejection especially when people are looking at me like I'm defective it something. I've tried everything I can think of to help. I don't know how much more of this I can take... Sorry for the really long rant. I'm just rather heartbroken and emotionally drained right now.
These things are the truth and if said in a non-manipulative way, might foster some growth.
Just a suggestion would be to capitalize on the morning times. Shoot for a weekend when you have more time and tease him. Give him a little attention, but then ask for something in return before giving him a little more attention. Hold his orgasm off until he gives you what you need.
In the end, though, you can't make your husband be sexual/physical with you. What you can do is focus on healing yourself and becoming resilient to the feelings of loneliness. Don't stuff your feelings, but try and redirect them. I love the serenity prayer (look it up if you don't know it). What has helped me is to look at other ways my wife shows me love (even though it's not my love language). I focus on being grateful that she takes care of the kids all day and that she takes care of all of the cooking and shopping. When I focus on these things I don't feel so rejected.
Know you're not alone. You've got a family here! Good luck.
Married: 8 years
Rocky Sex Life: 8 years
No Sex: 4 months