A friend's husband also had issues with low testosterone. I am not sure what treatment your husband had.... for them. I thought it was a matter of a supplement or some sort of pill (maybe this was what your hubby was on?)
I do know Cialis usually works well for issues with ED, but am not sure if that would work if the actual desire (testosterone) was not there.

There are alot of us here...all ages (20s-70s) both men and women who all struggle with this. There is nothing worse than the feelings and the emptiness we do often feel when our SO no longer shows any affection or wants to touch us.

I am wondering if you have mentioned to him how you feel? Or have you thought of couples counseling?

Several women (myself included) who have hubbys with health issues when we did try to bring it up, they quickly and kind of meanly did turn things around on us. Trying to say we were the ones with the problem and we wanted too much sex. It wasn't that important. (I have been married 15 years, the last 10 with no sex... or anything else)

We are not the problem, those who do shut us down or cut us off for whatever reason are the one's who do have the issue. I do hope you realize that you (like the rest of us) are human and need to know you are wanted, appreciated and loved. It does hurt like hell sometimes when we don't feel that. Coming here, you will find there are many others who are also struggling . Since I have been on DS, I have found alot of support and encouragement and I ( as well as many others ) would like to do the same for you. Sometimes, just "venting" does remind us all just what we can deal with .

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I’m sorry I hope that we can all offer each other a sense of support this is tough to go through alone.

Just curious regarding the low T level. For me, I was diagnosed with low T and elected to have injections. The cost is $10 per month for my prescription for injections at home. Pretty cost effective and I feel great. Have you looked at this route?

@ want2bwanted.... That does sound like a very good option ( and reasonable too) I am so glad to hear that you thought enough to look into your issue and that this is working well for you. I only wish my stbx and so many others (men and women) did care enough to try todo the same. There would be alot less of us here in our situations if that was the case.

@finallyawakenow.... Welcome aboard and we are glad to have you. (Just sorry we all have the need to be here in the first place.) I am so sorry to hear of all you have been through. (My left hip was shattered in a car crash when I was 25, They had to reconstruct with metal plates, screws......10 years later do a total hip.....also wound up over the years with both knees replaced) I know just how hard a recovery can be and how hopeless you can sometimes feel til you are "back".

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if we look ,we can usually find some lesson for each struggle and actually from others we do come across The fact that you .are working on YOU.... healing, getting stronger and regaining control of things alot do take for granted to me, is a great thing. You are right, this will definitely help with your self esteem.

You did suffer a big trauma, but look where it has led you! You are at a point now where you are finding that confidence and rebuilding your self esteem. It may be a long haul, but as you continue to be more positive and self assured and attracted to your wife again, I do believe that she will notice this change in you too. (and hopefully some affection will grow from there)

PS I used to hate to mention my story because I didn't want others to see me as a poor, pitiful thing who has this splintered quality of life. That is far from the case. My ortho surgeon has done wonders for me. I am his Humpty Dumpty and he has put me back together again.... and again. These days we are lucky to have such awesome technology. My only gripe is that now I do tend to put off the alarms when I travel (All the hardware sets off metal detectors. lol)

Now, when i do tell others of what i went through, it is usually because they are contemplating (or actually going through) something similar. It is to show or tell them that things will get better and there is light at the end of their tunnel. I see that bright light for you as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. (PS One more hangnail for either of us and I think we may need bubble wrap! lol)

Thanks for that. You’re right, it’s hard enough to admit pain to yourself let alone tell it outloud. But it’s really healing. I had no idea this world of opening up existed. Guess I thought it was all about more empty pursuits. Not a porn fan. I try to keep my soul pure. Anyway I’ve got to go but I will definitely keep up each day. Probably more. Just learning the language so bear with me. I’m looking up hang nail when I sign out. Lol I really wasn’t kidding about being new to this. peace out. I’m truly touched by the sharing/ carrying

Thank you everybody for taking the time to read my post and respond to me! It does help just talking about it to someone who understands the issues. My husband is deathly afraid of needles, he drinks every night, and stays in zombie mode most of the time. We rarely spend quality time together, so, even that closeness is gone as well. Pills like Cialis and Viagra, they give him a huge headache and he won't take them. I've talked to him about the issues, even to the point of telling him 5 years ago that I felt like I wanted to cheat and eventually did.... we went through counseling and got through that part, but still nothing really ever changed. If I mention to him to slow the drinking, he gets defensive and says that is what makes his body stop hurting,.. We don't fight, rarely talk, never go on a "date night", never have sex. It's got to get better than this! But I don't see it happening with him not trying to change the situation, I have done all the research and found the information that he needs to get help, but he just hasn't done anything about it. "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"

WHAT DO I DO???

I'm so sorry RMS. I truly empathize with what seems like never ending silence between you two, and your husband filling himself with anything but his wife. I'm personally coping by trying to find happiness without him, remaining with him but not engaging him ..... easier said than done. I am a religious person however so I'm going to take this opportunity to focus on that. I can't really deal with the husband while my psyche is so fragile. it's just too much for me. I hope you can invest in something that improves you full circle too. I hope you find a quiet morning to help lead you in the right direction. My best to you...

DM6, I keep busy with a crochet group. We get together every Wednesday and make caps for the local cancer center to donate. Also, I am on the board of Camp Rainman, it is camp for people on the autism spectrum. I meet up with the autism moms once a month for dinner or a movie.
I have been trying to take care of me.... thank you for your response.

RMS My heart goes out to you. I think you are right to finally start to take care of you. (I think that is what leads so many of us here.....we care for all but ourselves. Unfortunately, alot of us wind up with spouses who do take advantage of that. I know I did.)

Spending time with your crochet group, the autistic moms, and maybe have you thought of checking out an al-anon group nearby?. (There you would also find understanding and support from others also in situations with loved ones who turn to alcohol instead of us) And you can always come here for compassion and support. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dear roommate. My condolences. I hope you continue to do for you. It is all so important to maintain yourself because sometimes it’s all you have to rely on. I know pain and for a decade I know alcohol. So what I ended up doing was making a promise to myself that no matter what happened in my life, alcohol would never pass my lips again. Five months sober and I feel better than I have since I started using alcohol. And I’m dealing with the pain better because I can use the will power I’ve gained to help inspire me to get healthy. And eventually ( the plan), happiness. Alcohol is the loneliest drug. So queens suggestion of a group might be good for you. GL