I'm so saddened that you are so hurt and lonely. I know how it feels to want to be touched and held. I'm going to be blunt. Recently I opened up to my husband and told him what I was feeling... everything! It scared him. 22 years together, 20 years married and we were on a road to divorce. He has since been trying to show me more attention. I dont know if it will last or not, but I'm not giving up on my marriage just yet. I think if you tell him your done, then he will either say I'll try or bye. Either way, you got your answer. Can it hurt at this point? But, it is a decision you have to make. I did and so far, it's better than it's been in years.. here's hoping it last, right? Good luck and I'm here if you want more talks! God bless!

Thank you for reaching out. I have tried on several occasions to talk to him about how I feel but he gets very defensive and then he ends up yelling at me and if I start crying he always asks me why I’m crying. He knows why. I pray everyday that we will have 1 good day but we never do. I’ve become numb and I’m not sleeping anymore and I barely eat. I feel so lost.

I’ve been on both ends of this — in the same marriage, so I can definitely empathize. My wife was diagnosed with invasive cancer shortly after having our first (and only). I was there for her every need and slowly but surely felt myself becoming depressed — to the point where I contemplated suicide so my wife and son could get the insurance money.

Through therapy, i realized I was suffering from care giver burnout and I resented her for putting us through that terrible time (even though she obviously didn’t ask for it). She’s my best friend, but I’m still very much in a sexless marriage 3 years cancer free.

I too felt drawn to have an affair with a co worker but told my wife about it before it went anywhere. Today, I openly encourage her to have affairs with other men — I think it’s my way of a.) living out a fantasy of being cucked b.) thinking she might find happiness in someone else and c.) my way of passing some of her burdens off to another man.

We’re still talking about it but it’s been a journey — taking me to places I never thought I’d go (I used to be a very jealous person).

My best advice would be to see a counselor and see what they have to say. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to take care of you. If you don’t, you’re going to continue to be miserable and it’s only going to get worse.

I’ve mentioned seeing someone about our relationship but he says there’s nothing to fix. I tried to cuddle him this morning and as soon as I did he got up and left the room. Made me feel ugly and unwanted.

I would even say just “you” see someone individually. Obviously, there’s something going on. You can’t make him want to get help but a counselor can help you approach things a different way you might not have thought of before. Think of it as talking to someone about strategy in your relationship whose not your spouse.

Work out a game plan. It’s something to look into for sure. Thank you

Hang in there. I wish. Had this page 3 years ago when I was going through this with my wife. I find comfort it, even today, knowing that we all are going through some kind of craziness in our respective marriages