Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
My wife suffers from a rare autoimmune disease. We've been married for 17 years, and we have two teen sons on the autism spectrum. Her symptoms began to gradually manifest after we got married, and no doctor could tell what was wrong with her. After years of getting no answers, she finally developed severe symptoms about 3 years ago. She has gone through 4 rounds of chemotherapy to no effect. The future is very uncertain.
To the point: Her illness has taken its toll on our sex life. We've dwindled down to about once every 4 months, and almost never to completion because of the pain she experiences. I love her dearly and take care of her the best I can. None of this is her fault. But the lack of intmacy has led to frustration and a hidden resentment that I suppress everyday. Some nights I sit in my office chair almostvin tears when avi think of how things used to be.
She has told me that she feels guilty that we can't have sex like a normal married couple. Of course I reassure her that everything's fine and that she shouldn't be so hard on herself. I feel like a fool for having these feelings inside, but I'm only human.
My heart goes out to you (both actually)
You are right...you are only human and I would think you both probably have some anger and resentment (but it's important to remember it is with the illness for robbing you of this special connection) and not with each other.
I will be married 15 years (the last 10 with no sex or any physical touch) in my case I would welcome simply being held and told he still cared. (I did completely shut down for awhile, but
have come to realize that I want and need more.) So I do take matters into my own hands...(not much fun but, for me, a logical solution)
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
We're here to talk with. We hope that you 2 make it through this with incredible strength. Hang in there through these rough times.
I too have an auto immune disease, and have been very sick. Our sex life was minimal before I got sick so it didn't create our problem, our problem added to the disease. I do know though how it takes over and makes things worse.
Speak with her doctor about the pain medications and ask if it may help. Since sex contributes to physical and mental well being, don't be afraid to bring it up with her specialist. Some auto immune sufferers find relief with cbd oils when other things have not worked. Also ask about new meds out now she may be able to try, they come out with new things all the time. When I was very sick, cuddling, massage, and hand play together helped to feel intimate and lesson stress when the pain was off the charts and intercourse wasn't an option. Sometimes a different position like from behind in spoon fashion can lesson the possibility of pain. Oral stimulation with quick finishing with intercourse to lesson the time where pain is a given. Try new things that do not hurt.
I hope I worded this well. I understand the pain in the body and in the mind.
Try to find the positives in the good things, hold on to those, hang in there, this too shall pass. That was something I had to tell myself often, and it helped immensely.