Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hello everyone. It's been good to read everyone's feelings and take some solace knowning that I'm not alone.
I found this group last night after being turned down for sex yet again... we had agreed to try before she went away for the weekend since we haven't had sex in nearly 3 months and that was the only time this year. Add a couple handjobs where she told me to hurry up and had me finish the job as she fell asleep and you will know the total of our sex life this year. Which is an improvment from the previous two years....
At least the last two were because of a newborn and life stress that I could understand. Now she says she wants to make an effort, but makes none at all and gets annoyed if I ask for sex, so I just stopped asking. I feel pathetic when she gives me pity handjobs.
90% of the sex we've had in our 17 year marriage is the same. I do all the foreplay trying to get her aroused as she complains of a number of things or lists things she needs to get done. The once aroused she will ride me for 5 minutes and orgasm and then lose all interest and expect me to finish as quickly as possible. She lies there bored essential so I end up just rolling away and taking care of myself.
Sorry for details, but just to illustrate that even on the rare occasion that I do have intamacy in my life it is not fullfiling at all.
Aside from that our marriage is great. We have the same views on life and our children. We're best friends. I don't want anyone else... just depressing and great to find a place to share. Would love to have someone to write to or talk to and just share our feelings and help each other cope. Thanks.
Is good that the other aspects of your marriage and life are good. You mentioned her worrying about all that needs to be done--- Did you ever try doing some stuff ( completely surprising her and lightening her load--- but maybe scoring some brownie points for you as well? (I would have given anything for a little help) This would free her up , plus maybe feel a bit more appreciated.
I know all too well how it feels to be turned down. I gave up a long time ago. In our case he completely shut down and is content just going day by day-- just going through the motions. I tried but it is no way to live. My thoughts and prayers are with you. (Hugs too)
Hang in there. Hugs , Kim
Please do remember though--- You are still the same person you were before. And you seem like a very kind caring man. This does quite a number on the ego when you are ignored and barely touched. (I was feeling as attractive as a garden slug and really believing there must be something wrong with me.. . After chatting and sharing with so many, I have finally come to realize that I am still a caring, intelligent, attractive woman who is still sexy and is still desirable. ) I have no doubts that you are still all of that as well (except for the woman part. LOL) This is nothing you did--- is her issues and struggle (sadly you are the one taking the brunt of it) HUgs
It's been unbalanced since we were first married, but it used to be more frequent. Before we were married it was all the time, once of twice a day and then a couple times a week.
About 6 months before we were married she had a brief affair and since then the sex life has been made to feel like a chore... hoping that this coming year we make strides to reconnect. I still feel it's possible to rebuild a weekly or at least bi-weekly sex life.
You mentioned her having a brief affair? Forgive me for bringing it up (I have a tendency to ask or say what is on my mind these days. sometimes gets me into trouble. lol), but I am just wondering--- sometimes just trying something different or spicing it up may help get her a bit more eager? If there is something you know (or think) she might like -- give it a shot? But that is if and when you can muster courage to try again (and ready if she shoots you down)
The fact that you are still there, by her side-- with your kids-- and looking to work this out (with the rest of your relationship in tact) says a lot about you-- and your marriage. I will cross my fingers and say some prayers. :)
To be clear I'm an attentive lover and she always finishes strong, but it;s getting to the event and keeping her interest after she's done is the issue. Like, I want it to be more of a priority, but after the hour long gambit to get the kids to sleep - in which she reads to them for 1o minutes and then I take over while she relaxes or finishes cleaning the kitchen if there's still dishes left... - after an hour of that the mood isn't right... I get that, but then it's lets watch tv THEN go to bed. But then 99% of the time she's too tired at that point. We need to break through that cycle and take advantage of any moment we have to reignite the passion in my opinion.
Anyway, I'm getting great at taking care of myself thankfully, but I'm tired of my only sexual relationship being with porn and frankly it affects a person's sex life when 99% of their orgasms come from their own hand...
And also - I don't mind bringing up her brief affair, I'm fine with it. I would would be fine with her having another one as long as our relationship is strong it doesn't bother me at all and the jealousy I actually find arousing as long as I feel secure... you know?
I have discovered auto erotica and there are several stories by a favorite contributor that do stumble on this very subject. .. and to hear it in his words (in a soft spoken yet very firm voice with a sexy Irish accent--- of his feelings and her actions does get me excited as well.) There is definitely some truth to the fact that when a woman does realize and flaunt her sexuality all men do benefit from it.
My wife has zero libido, unless fueled by NRE [new relationship energy]. That is whey she and I had a great sexlife before we got married, but it dwindled after we got comfortable. She did have an affair, and as odd as it sounds, there may be merit for some marriages in having some side action.