Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hello all,
I just joined after looking for a support group for people in sexless marriages.
I'm 50 and my husband stopped having sex with me at the end of 2018, after being married for one year and a half. Before marriage our sex life was ok. I was always higher desire but I was ok with having less than I would normally wanted because other than that I was deliriously happy and sex was also good. It was almost like a switched flipped. As soon as we got married , sex started to happen less and less and less and I had to ask and beg for affection more and more. I felt betrayed. But I was still getting something so I was more or less ok. That is until it just completely stopped.
He said it's not me, but his body doesn't work anymore. He had diabetes, low T. However, he had diabetes and low T before. He didn't make any effort to solve or at least improve the situation . I tried suggesting sex without penetration but he was just laying there like a star fish. I suggested at least cuddling sessions, just making out and kissing and hugging. He said yes but again was laying there, arms heavy not moving, like he was dead . At that point I just gave up.
ive agonized for years and kept looking for a solution. Tried to never criticize , to be praise him, not demand much , read all books under the sun.... no dice.
At this point, is there anything at all that can be done and stay in the marriage? I don't want to leave the marriage. On the other hand, if I stay in the marriage , am I condemned to never ever having sex for the rest of my life ?
Has anyone tried having brief affairs ? Does it ever work? I'm not sure they're worth it because I'm looking not just for sex but for affection, which also went to zero along with the sex. If you go out to have an affair without emotions, is it really worth it? And then if you have affairs with emotion then you won't be able to stay in the marriage anyway.
Anyone has found anything that works for being happy other than leaving ?
You are in a situation many of us find ourselves in. Our spouses have selfishly decided that sex is no longer important….to them. What they don’t seem to understand is that it’s more than just sex they are denying. They are cutting off how we stay bonded and connected to them. How we feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. How we continue to build trust, friendship, and openly communicate. When sex is removed from the equation, everything else becomes unstable. Especially if you’ve expressed your feelings to your spouse and they still ignore your concerns and needs. Ultimately, we all end up with the monumental decision of whether to stay, and be sexless until we’re dead, or go. Of course, some have affairs or open up the marriage. I can’t speak personally on how either of those options work for people. However, as for affairs, there’s quite a bit of information in older posts. You might want to peruse through some of them for help and suggestions.
Being that your spouse doesn’t seem to want to improve the situation, it’s doubtful he”d
be open to couples therapy, but it’s probably worth a shot. You may also want to consider doing therapy on your own.
This is a safe space to vent, share your thoughts, and find support.
At some point the thrill of your new adventure will fade, make a plan for what to do when that happens. Most of all, your FWB has to know that when YOU say it's over it's OVER!