Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Sorry if this is long but it's my first post. Some Back story. We have been together now for 38 years. My wife and I have never really had a great sex life (maybe 3 or 4 times a year's). About 8 years ago that dwindled to may 1 or less a year. We struggled with it, seen xounslers and sex therapists. Went to couples camps etc. It never got better only.
Now she suffers from depression and that greatly affects her drive, to the point that she never ever thinks about it, we have boughten all the cool sex toys for her but it doesn't help, can't use a toy if you can't get in the mood in the first place. We have switched her meds out multiple times but the end result for her depression is worst and not worth the risk.
Now here is the weird part, I felt with the fact that we had no contact, no intimate contact and no really touching but we actually get along very well. I love her very much and no interest in leaving her. (honestly if we split I would never invest in a relationship again) I was coming to grips with it untill about 2 years ago when I broke my mid fifties I started panicking, and fell like "Holy crap I am getting older and pretty soon my sex drive will be gone just due to age" have I missed out? Should I have done something sooner?
I have bought all the new male sex toys, automatic ones, fleshlight you name it, but it is not even close to real contact. Now I am starting to feel like I am really missing out but I love her so much and feel so sad that she can't be interested.
I have wanted to move to the spare room so I could have time to myself, to be self intimate but I know that would be very hard on her and badly affect her depression.
Not really sure what the next step is I guess I need to come to the understanding that I will never have an intimate relationship and the best I can do is loving roommates.
Thanks for listening, M
I also reached that point realizing I have missed out on so much and wanting more . In my case he was complately content. I had very little communication, was simply discounted and no longer shared emotional or physical contact for almost 13 of an 18 yr marriage. The fact that he no longer even tried and would try to shame me for simply doing things myself did bring anger and resentment between us
Perhaps since the rest of your relationship is strong, it may be different for you.
As far as moving to the guestroom.... I would see no reason for you not to at least play and enjoy yourself with NO GUILT on your part. However she may feel...guilty or relieved... You are trying to be kind and considerate of her. If you actually moved to the guestroom, that may be a little hard for her.
Hugs, Kim
As she is well aware of my sex toys I was hoping that maybe 1 to 2 times a week I would stay in the spare room. That would give me time to entertain myself and hopefully not make her feel abandoned.
I must admit I am worried the more I do that I may become more agitated at the lack of intimate contact between us and start resenting our relationship, also I am worried that if I don't start taking time for myself I will be come agitated and resent our relationship.... Uggg no win here.
I travel for work so I am away about 3 to 4 nights a month, it's my escape and gives me time to myself starting to wish I travel 3 to 4 times a week.
If you still can manage to find some relief and have a little fun (as much as we can with just our toys) the anger and resentment may not surface as much.