No Kate,
You're not being at all unreasonable. Sex and intimacy are normal human feelings. When there not there it is a problem that needs to be addressed. I feel for you and know your hurt. I'm fighting the same battle with my wife. Hard to fix a problem when you won't admit there is one. Good Luck and again you are not at all being unreasonable

Thank you so so much for responding and for making me feel better. (See? I told you I would be grateful!). I really needed male feedback and I appreciate you providing it. I'm very sorry you are going through the same thing. I know the toll it takes on your ego and emotions. I am here if you ever need to vent. Please know you aren't alone in this.

No your not nuts. I can't help but think that a man should be concerned about his health. Low or no libido is a sign of many problems.

Thank you, Jack. That's what I have been thinking but it helps so so so much to hear it.

I’m in the same boat right now. I’ve been nothing but crying for the last couple of days about this. Difference is that my libido is higher than his and it wasn’t always the case. For many years , I’ve told him no because of a major chronic pain condition. Now that I’ve finally gotten the right treatment that is healing me, I’m ready to reconnect. Mind you, we haven’t been completely dried up. Just once in a great great while. Now he’s making me out to be the one that “wants” it ALL OF THE TIME. He is quite prudish in many ways. But there are other health factors in my equation that leaves me just as confused as to why my guy won’t go get checked out. Of course he kept telling me that there’s no problem with testosterone levels (which is bs-he’s never gotten it tested and I would definitely know if he had). He is so reluctant to take on his part and show me he cares about this aspect of our marriage. I’ve forced myself to carry on when I was not feeling up to it-many times- only to find out half way through that I truly did miss this type of connection we have with each other. But I really am stumped when he told me how overwhelming I’ve become in recent months and that he was “content” and that he sees nothing wrong, but he clearly sees that I am miserable. So because I don’t want to be the freak monster- I’ve let him take total control of the “calendar”. Plan our dates so that we have something to look forward to. He’s also said that he feels that I am pushing him to step up or be left behind. And that he’s not young anymore (46). I told him that I want him to join me on this path, I’m not leaving him behind. So again, I’m not hold my breath that he’s going to come around any time soon. He has reached out to hug me and touch me and of course I’ve been hurt and confused, so, no i am not ready to accept that from him- so it comes off as I am cold. But I’m not. I am crying all the damn time because this brings up so much baggage that I can’t help but think he’s never going to even meet me halfway. So there’s my point of view and fresh responses from our talk that just happened the other day. My DH is clearly not taking his health seriously and he knows he’s got problems-he knows! But surely doesn’t feel very manly if his wife is telling him that she is concerned about it. Crazy. Btw:I’m the same age as he is-actually about a half year older. I love him dearly and I hope I can get through to him sooner rather than later.

Sophie, I'm sorry you are going through this, too. You seem to share my confusion regarding how a man could have no sex drive, yet not be bothered by it. Thanks to TryingTo and Jack (who responded to my original post), I feel slightly less crazy for wondering if that is unusual. These two kind men have taken the time to confirm that it is indeed not the norm.

I hope you and I are also on the same page in trying to always remember that it is our situations - and not we as people - who are unattractive or unworthy or negative in some way. I know how difficult this is, but it surely is one or our only ways to find some peace with this.

I also struggle with wondering where the line is regarding how much I can ... or even should ... try to change a virtually sexless man who seems to be honestly happier that way. If I do try to change this, would my "win" really be gaining some happiness for me by taking away some of his? I don't wish to be that person.

Anyone reading this, please share any helpful advice you may have for Sophie and me. Your input is very welcome.

I'm single, so I'm pushing the limits a bit; but I'm not sexually active, so whatever. He's probably watching pornography. I'm thirty and I go twice a day. Now, I'm shredded, but, overweight and obesity rates are.....well: NCHS is part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Almost 3 in 4 men (73.7 percent) were considered to be overweight or have obesity; and about 2 in 3 women (66.9) were considered to be overweight or have obesity. .....but like the guy below, he may just not be asserting dominance. Understand the following....:A huge testosterone surge beginning in the eighth week will turn this unisex brain male by killing off some cells in the communication centers and growing more cells in the sex and aggression centers. If the testosterone surge doesn't happen, the female brain continues to grow unperturbed. The fetal girl's brain cells sprout more connections in the communication centers and areas that process emotion. .....
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2006/09/10/books/chapters/0910-1st-briz.html
&/+
We also know that men have two and a half times the brain space devoted to sexual drive in their hypothalamus. Sexual thoughts flicker in the background of a man's visual cortex all day and night, making him always at the ready for seizing sexual opportunity. ....
https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127401741
I'm just trying to get my man laid twice a day, okay? All my butterfly kisses.
"Friendship was another illusion like love, though it did not reach the same mad heights. People pretended that they were friends, when the fact was they were brought together by force of circumstances."
~ R. K. Narayan, The Bachelor of Arts