FlamingoLovet72, hi and glad you found us!

I read your comment on another post and it seems that maybe there wasn’t much sex 2 years ago when you married. Did you two ever have a happy sex life? If not, maybe he’s asexual???? If So, can you pinpoint when things changed and try to figure out what caused the change?

I’m a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. You can tell me I’m your everything all day long, but if your actions don’t back it up, it’s just words - like you said.

Is he good to and with your kiddo? Is she attached to him? How does he treats you in front of her? All of that would figure in to if I stayed or not.

If you don't love him and you are basically roommates, what is there to fight for?

Also, is this what you want to teach your daughter about love, marriage and life?

Hello and welcome to our group. My husband passed away the end of January of this year. We were married for 17 years, but had very little communication, no affection, physical touch of any kind , and absolutely no help with anything for the last 12 years. One day he completely shut down both physically and emotionally and expected me to do the same. I tried for awhile, but it was no way to live... just going through the motions day by day... with nothing to look forward to. I actually dreaded each new day.

I did start a divorce a year and a half prior and for various reasons did postpone it several times. (He did seem to always have another issue or health problem that continued to keep me here.) He became very good at telling me he loved and appreciated me... BUT IT WAS JUST WORDS. His actions proved otherwise.

I told him too , he doesn't want a wife... just needs a roommate. (Truthfully, if I had to chose a roommate, it would at least be someone who was willing to help and we had more in common) And when you said you don't love him anymore--- that did hit home with me. After so long of being completely discounted and ignored, that anger and resentment did fester in me. I would start to open up and chat with others here who understood and ignored him. He did not like that at all. I always thought a marriage was to be between two people who loved and respected each other... who wanted to work TOGETHER and share everything (including each other) Who would imagine they would not even touch us?

While it is nice to have him adopt your daughter , that should not be a reason for him to keep you there spending all your time doing for him. (For me, that was what did finally push me to the edge. I have spent all my life doing for and caring about others. When I finally realize I am also allowed to have wants and needs and do tell him this == it makes no difference. It is still all about doing for him... and getting nothing back.
That is where my resentment grew and love almost disappeared.

PS You need not worry. Here we will certainly be kind to a newbie who suffers as we do. It sucks big time, And here is a safe place to vent and say what is on our minds.

Also another group... sex on the brain. For those of us not getting any, some do think about it often sometimes. On there we also say what exactly is on our minds... No TMI... some jokes, cartoons, games... as well as whatever comes to mind. Not sure if that is an option,,, just thought I would mention it.

Welcome... and my thoughts, prayers. and hugs are with you
Kim.

Thank you all for your comments...even those questioning my parenting skills. Please be assured my daughter is a beautiful and thriving young woman, and being a single parent for the first 10+ years of her life helped develop her into the strong young woman she is today.....but thanks for your concern. As for my husband.....when we were dating, we were very passionate about each other! We didn't actually have sex--he has issues in this department that he was seeking medical attention for. Once we got married, I guess he figured he "had me" so there was no point in continuing the medical treatment. We used to do other things rather than actual intercourse, and I was fine with that, but it's like once that ring went on my finger it all stopped and we just keep getting further apart. I guess I'm not willing to give up on everything so soon. I feel I owe myself and our marriage at least a chance to see if we can get back to that "happy place". Today we took the first steps to setting up marriage counseling and we'll see where that takes us.....

I am so glad to hear that and hope maybe that will help.

I think it means so much to be able to talk and listen.. (So often without counseling...we try but they refuse to hear us. )

I feel the same as you....once that ring goes on our finger...they feel their work is done...and they have an easy ride.

Crossing my fingers this may help and begin to bring that communication back
Hugs

FlamingoLovet72, please accept my deepest apologies for having offended you. Reading back over my comments, I can easily see how they could be interpreted that way. Please know that in no way was I questioning, judging, or criticizing your parenting skills. I would also like to apologize if my words made you feel unwelcome. I’m sorry.

You tell my story but I’m younger and worried my life will turn into this. I mean it already has.

I am so sorry you are in this situation. While I am not recommending that you stay in a bad situation, I also know that there are reasons to stay. Divorce is a very painful, exhausting experience and although once you come out on the other side of it your life will then become your own again, it can be a scary unknown. Change for most of us is scary. You have to agree over how any debt gets paid, who get's the house and if there are children involved it gets even messier. If you are lucky and you can both behave like adults then these decisions aren't too bad. But I think that is for a small percentage of the population. I really thought my divorce was going to kill me. But it didn't and afterwards I finally felt alive and like myself again. I remarried and was very happy for a little while but I definitely remarried too soon and am now having a lot of difficulty in my second marriage. We too are like roommates. I get no help with the bills or household chores. Just a little help with the care of our son. We are to the point where we barely speak. He hasn't slept in the same room as me for almost two years now. If you think that you and your husband can have for lack of better words, a mature divorce, one without below the belt hits than I think it is something you should consider. Have you discussed divorce with your husband? How does he react? My husband very rarely tells me he loves me and most of his actions don't support that he does. About twice a year he'll do something for me like detail my car or change my brakes. But he does nothing for my birthday, our anniversary, Mother's Day, Christmas, and doesn't help with household chores or bills. I totally understand how you question your husband's love and feel unloved. Hang in there and don't stop living and loving. I am so glad you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. Children really are such a blessing. Couldn't imagine my life without them.