Wow. The seemingly random 4 weeks is strange. Any idea why?

.About 2 months prior to that 4 week thing he knew I was considering leaving the marriage. At that time, I thought he was cheating on me but that turned out not to be true. I asked him why the sudden change and want for sex and he said he was trying to be a better husband. It stopped as sudden as it started. I had major surgery in September and I haven't felt like bringing up the subject again. Because despite surgery, I still am in the mood as long as it is gentle. I don't see things changing anytime soon unfortunately.

It’s just so difficult for me to understand why he wouldn’t. I don’t I have ever turned down sex in my entire life...

My wife and I used to engage in mutual masturbation, but eventually that became a solo experience for me as well... and just felt awkward doing that beside her...

Welcome back :)

Thanks veggiequeen.

FunHubby I can understand how that would feel awkward.

He started making love to you again after he realized you were thinking of leaving and then it stopped as quickly as it started. Hmmm. Sounds a bit suspicious to me. It's as if he is doing as little as he can to hold on to you. Have you had any talks on why he isn't that interested in love making? He needs to be up front with you. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery. Does he tell you he loves you? I don't want to sound nosey, but is he making love or just having sex with you to keep you happy?
I hope you can figure out what's going on with him, but it seems you two need to have a serious discussion about your relationship.
I hope I haven't offended you with what I've said. I hope for the best for you!

Emptyshell49 you haven't offended me at all. I have tried to talk with him a few times about his lack of interest over the years. It usually resulted in him exploding at me and asking me questions like, "what? You want it everyday?" I always tell him honestly yes, I would like it everyday but I would settle for once a week like it used to be. He does tell me that he loves me. I get a hug or a kiss here and there. We haven't slept in the same room in 15 years. He works 2nd shift and blames that for the reason not sleeping in the same bed with me. I was very hurt. Before our marriage and early in our marriage he used porn a lot. I'm not against it and even sometimes like watching it myself but when someone chooses that over a real live person I just don't get it. We had a lot of problems conceiving our now 5 year old. We both have some issues that caused the infertility but honestly I don't think we would have needed so much help from the doctors if we just had sex more. There are so many things.and I'm sure the way I react especially over the last several years in general out him off. I just feel so hurt, so rejected, not good enough. He opened up more this summer when I thought he was cheating on me. He said he is older now and things don't work the way they used to. He's I my 50 by the way. He will not go to counseling, will not see a doctor. He has gotten into the Bible more and said he was trying to be a better husband and please me this summer. I felt more connected to him during that time. I sought counseling for myself because I need to decide if I want to keep going in circles. We have been married 18 years and together for 22. We now have a 5 1/2 year old. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would stay. I feel like I rambled here. Sorry for that. There's just so much.

No Bre, you’re not rambling. I am no psychologist, but the way he acts it seems something deep rooted is bothering him. He’s making excuses (working 2nd shift, he’s older and things don’t work the way they used to, exploding at for wanting to discuss your sex life). Why won’t he seek counseling or see the doctor? I understand your feeling rejected and you’re not good enough. It hurts and he doesn’t seem to realize it. Does he still watch porn? It really can affect how a person relates sexually to another person.
One last question. Is he really into the Bible and what it teaches? Here’s something you should look up and see how you feel about it. 1 Corinthians Ch 7 verses 2-5. Be careful about bringing it up to your husband. He may not accept it and may become very upset with you.
I hope things work out for you. You deserve to be happy.
HUGS!!

Emptyshell, he used that Bible quote as why he was trying to be a better husband. And, you're right there is so.egging deep rooted. I saw a new therapist on Monday and she really helped me understand some things that happened to him growing up are why he reacts the way he does. He thinks therapists and doctors are "quacks". He went with me once to an old therapist of mine and still speaks negatively of the experience. He had a brain tumor behind his eye when he was very young and lost his eye. He had so many hospitalizations and doctors when he was growing up that I think now he avoids all doctors. As for the open use, he denies that he uses it but I don't believe him. Like my therapist said porn can be a good thing when used together but using it instead of or to replace your partner it becomes a problem. I saw this therapist one time and I already know she is going to be helpful. She is the first therapist who has really understood and validated me and my feelings. Hoping to work on myself so that I can move forward one way or another.

Bre, I’m really happy to hear you have a new therapist who is helping you understand your husbands past. I’m sorry he had to go through so much with losing his eye and other medical situations. I can understand his negativity towards doctors and therapists because of his negative experiences. I do hope he is able to eventually try again. You and I both know that that could be helpful to him, but he has to make the choice. It sounds like you found a good person to talk to about your feelings. I hope you continue to see her and find what you need to do to make you happy. The biggest thing we do wrong in theses situations is forget about our needs. I know things will get better for you. Continue to move forward and if you need to talk, I, along with many others are here for you! Take care!!! HUGS!