The epiphany I have is this. I am not stuck in a “sexless marriage.” THIS marriage ENDED a long time ago. What I am “stuck” in is a sexless existence. I have already grieved the LOSS of what was and what I wanted outta this marriage. So to say that I’m in a sexless marriage paints QUITE a different picture from reality. Because the reality is THIS is not a marriage at all. It stopped being that YEARS ago. I no longer mourn the loss of this marriage and I no longer mourn the lack of sex. The sex and intimacy I desire is probably like most people in my situation, with someone else. When I do fantasize about intimacy and sex it is NOT with the person I’m roommates with, it’s about other people, mostly one person. But my fantasies are NOT reality, they’re mostly too a coping mechanism to deal with the lack of touch and intimacy. And they’re in my mind so NO ONE knows my fantasies which is so great. I’m living with an, “emotionally separated spouse” yet under the same roof, married ONLY on paper yet in no other sense of the word. So I said all this to say my epiphany is that I am not in a sexless marriage because it ended a long time ago and I have mourned it. I am however dealing with a sexless existence. Could I hop on a Ashley Madison site or any other hook up site to get laid, matter fact I could have done that years ago to deal with the nonexistent sex, but that’s not what I wanted to do or now. The thought now of hooking up with a random stranger for sex is not even remotely appealing. I would rather have an emotional and intellectual connection void of actual sex than just the act alone, because to me THAT is equally as powerful as the REAL thing until you can have the REAL thing. Oh btw, THE REAL thing is on my bucket list lmao