Sexless Marriage Community Group

This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.

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veggiequeen 10/01/2018

I was just thinking and wondering (Forgive me, I am alot bolder and more curious these days) When there still was a "sex life"... what was the norm? Also, after so long, what would you want now?

For me, it was never much to begin with. (Even then, he wasn't much into it, so... once a week if we were lucky. Truthfully, then I didn't much care either.

Now, after 11 YEARS of no affection or physical touch, I do often have sex on the brain. I think the longer you are deprived , the more you seem to focus in on it. I tried doing as stbx did for awhile (completely shutting down, both physically and emotionally.... does not work for me!) I saw so many unhappy (and some completely content without sex or that connection) that i thought maybe I was crazy to even worry about it. But I did finally open up and realize I do still want that part of my life (I have missed out on so much in my life in general... sex included)

Right now, many have teased me (and they could be right... lol) If I do ever find someone special (with a pulse and a desire) they tell me I may lock him away for a week or so. After making up for lost time....I could probably be ecstatic with twice a week. I can dream. :)

aj83 10/01/2018

Even when I was having sex with my wife, it was MAYBE, once every few months

finallyawakenow 10/02/2018

I have thought about this many times this past year. Trying to piece together what an amazing start, then what went wrong, then what we did right. Because in one marriage there have been a book full of chapters. Now I can see that during times of stress the sex faded. As we both withdrew into shells. In the beginning it was quite often. Too much sometimes. Would have to take a few days off to heal tender spots. Then it became once a week. Then twice a month ect. Like you, the less I have the more I want. Actually meditate on it just to learn how to let it go so I don’t think about it so much. That doesn’t always work. Thankfully our intimacy is growing but the actual sex is not as quick to return. Twice a week would be nice. With no time limit is my ideal. We are up to once or twice a month. Which is huge, I know. Still feel the need to express it all. Get it out of my system. I can relate to your locking them in for a few days. Cash in on all those rain checks. I’m curious to see what the next chapter holds. And how long this one is.

veggiequeen 10/02/2018

I should point out... the almost once a week was our beginning when first together. It didn't take long for us to dwindle... then down to nothing.

veggiequeen 10/02/2018

@aj ---You never did say,how much would you LIKE to have now (given that opportunity again)?

Slow_Burn 10/15/2018

I think two or three times a week would make me happy but at this point it's hard to even imagine 3 times a year.

RickinKs 11/06/2018

In the beginning of marriage, I had it made. We did everything, 3+ times a week and this lasted for years. There were times when I could hardly keep up (but I did.. hehee) Then, the Stork arrived and slowly our sex life went away.

Now, we are six+ years sexless. :(

GM1 11/06/2018

I remember before marriage it was 2 - 3 times a week. Now I am lucky if it is every other month., and hitting double didgets this year will be a stretch.

I just want to be wanted, for my wife to actually want and desire to be with me. Normal to me would be 2 - 3 times a week ( we have only been married 3 years) but I feel like I am wrong to think or want that.

Emptyshell49 12/12/2018

I’ve been married for 41 years and It was up and down from the beginning, There really wasn’t a norm. In the beginning, it was maybe once a week. I was kind of confused because a lot of people said during the first year of marriage you can’t keep your hands off each other and have a lot of sex. That never happened. I’m not some sex maniac, I just enjoy the intimacy. There were periods of 1 or 2 times a month, 2 times a year .... just frustrating. When I see there are more posts, I’ll tell you how things have been the last two years.

veggiequeen 12/13/2018

@ Emptyshell... welcome to the group. I have to warn you... there sometimes seems to be very little activity on sexless marriage. I have found that there are some who check in but rarely post (so it sometimes feels like noone is here... But trust me, there are ALOT of us)

It sounds like we are kind of in the same boat (and have been from the beginning) It is very frustrating, tough on the self esteem , and something I wish neither of us ever had to go through. Hugs

RickinKs 01/30/2019

I have always been a highly sexual person. I would want it all the time. Back in my early marriage days, we had sex A LOT. We has sex many times a week and many of our fantasies came true. It was great. We had good open communication about what we wanted and just did it. Sadly, that is not the case now. Being sexless in a marriage is a terrible thing. Too many of us are hurt. Why even get married.

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