i did just comment on a post by another of pleasing one's spouse. For most of my life, I would feel guilt and shame for even thinking about sex or any kind of physical touch. (That is how I was brought up)  As a result, I got a very late start at even experiencing sex  (35..... put your jaws back up.lol) 

I was only ever with 3 men (2 fwb, then hubby) all 3 were good, but basically 5 minute men.  As I think back, I also left most to them, I believe in great part due to old thinking.  Within the past year and a half (after I tried following hubby's lead and shutting down physically and emotionally...which I COULDN'T BARE) I would come across someone who would stir up all these emotions and needs .  He was the one who would actually allow  (and encourage me) to express exactly what my naughty little mind was thinking about and dreaming of. And he would be the one to tell me there is nothing shameful or dirty about sharing that connection with someone you care about.

After 15 years of a very one sided marriage, (the last 10 cut off from everything)... I have finally filed for divorce.  At this point and time I have sex on the brain most of the time and have no problem writing, imagining, fantasizing what I do want to do with, for and to a warm, caring, sexy man who also wants the same with me.  (I am just hoping there is a smidge of a chance I do get a chance to find this instead of just write about it.. lol)