Hi.
I do understand how you are feeling. The urge to be physically intimate with the one you love so much but be constantly rejected is crippling to the soul. And it doesn't matter what you say or do things just don't change. There are three things you can do which I am contemplating it the moment...
Live with it, Deal with it or cheat. We have tried dealing with it with sex therapy, couples therapy etc and realised once the desire has gone it's gone (not saying this is the same for everyone). I am now left with two options, each of which will end in heartache.
I do hope things get better for you, i really do, sometimes when your backed into a corner you have to do something, and when it's your life and happiness at stake some tough decisions and sacrifices will need to be made. Xx

thank you, that's how I feel. That I am rejected and it is crippling. Its hard when I am always desiring sex and he is just OK with going to bed. I deal with it, as I have no option to financially live on my own or to be able to go anywhere else so I am trapped in that sense. I have tried and asked for him to go and see someone about his libido, but he doesn't go. I can't do anything about it, so I just take it as I can't go anywhere else. I don't believe in cheating because that I can't do and I am not that type of person,

I understand completely. I also am not a cheating person, and leaving is not an option for many reasons. I've been doing option two, live with it, for years, but it's getting harder, not easier. Every time I see a pregnant woman I think "Someone wanted her. No one wants me." I have two kids from a previous marriage, so I don't necessarily want another child. But I do crave love and affection. And God help me, sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed with my ex, because as bad as some other things were, we had a wonderful sex life. I truly hope things get better for you. I'm rooting for you.

I do understand how you all feel. i have been married for 15 years...the last 10 with no affection or physical touch. He just shut down both physically and emotionally. i tried to do the same, but it is no way to live. I had absolutely nothing to look forward to and dreaded each new day. he is content because all of his needs are still being met. he has a maid, cook, nurse, roommate.... I have endless work and that is it.

I have reached a point where i have checked into divorce. He continues to try to get me to stall and reconsider , Financially I do know it will be a struggle,,,, this is what he continues to bring up to scare me into staying put...but I am focused on what i have to find again... my own peace of mind, independence and a possibility of maybe finding someone special who does also want the same things I do and to share that love and affection with another.

Here's hoping we all may be strong enough to go after what we so want and need...someone to love (who we can love back)

I do get the affection so I am probably lucky. Its the sex part, i am always waiting for him to be ready for sex. Its hard when one person desires sex more than the other, ultimately I am the one who is suffering. I find it a struggle everyday and that I married for the wrong reasons as his character and mine are so opposite. I do care about him alot and stay to put effort and time into the relationship but I didn't realise how hard a marriage is and I don't really like marriage that much its so hard. I got to bed waiting each night for him to make a move but he doesn't and goes to sleep so I get depressed each night. I feel so unequal in the relationship.

The manipulation veggiequeen refers to of the threats of financial ruin. Well the manipulator is speaking from a scared point of view too because their easy street existence is in danger of ending. Some costs are unvmbearable over any financial ruination.

There are different circumstances, but I should tell you also.... A friend of mine told me awhile back that she had the same problem with her husband. He lost interest .After much prodding, she got him to mention it to the family physician. For them, it was as simple as discovering he had a drop in testosterone levels causing his lack in libido. It was as simple as him taking a supplement to bring things back to normal for them.

Maybe this could be your hubby's issue as well? Perhaps convincing him it would be relatively painless to get this checked and it could revive your marriage is worth a mention.....

Good luck. :)

i have tried to get him to do this, but he just doesn't listen. It is like smashing my head against a brick wall. He says it is psychological and that he needs to get close to me slowly. He is so sensitive over every issue and takes everything I say to heart. I find it terribly frustrating and painful and really hard. I feel like I needed a stronger person because I can't help my own mood swings and he gets so withdrawn over it. I simply am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I say anything I am damned if I don't I suffer.

I have told him to get a blood test about his hormones etc. But the doctor also feels it is stress related rather than his libido. I feel gutted that I was wrong, as the issue comes back to me than and my attitude.

is this what he said the doctor told him? (Or did you hear him too?) I would think they would also test his testosterone levels as well...just to be sure. Also, even if stress related....prior post seems to indicate he is depressed as well. (Why wouldn't dr mention or address that as well?)

You shouldn't feel responsible because you have normal wants and needs. Is there any way you two could try some sort of counseling? (This could help you both understand feelings of the other as well as how to improve your situation) Good luck.

You are not alone. I am in the same situation. My husband only wants to eat, watch tv and sleep. It’s disgusting. But I’m not going anywhere because I don’t want my kids to suffer divorce. But are the suffering because of our sexless marriage? I can’t tell. I hope not. He was tested and does have low testosterone but won’t do anything about it. He is also overweight but food is the real love of his life. I’m just stuck with him. Would love to hear from other women who decided to stay and how they coped!