Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hello. I am new here and this is my first post. I have been in a virtually sexless marriage for almost 9 years. My wife and I waited until marriage to have sex and have been married almost 9 years now. Sex is painful for my wife and always has been for some reason, so I haven't pushed too hard, but I still have needs. My wife also developed high anxiety and depression after our kids were born which hasn't helped things and when I try to bring up the topic I'm always met with "I'm tired" or "I don't feel good" and the conversation always ends in tears and me comforting her. She's a good mother and our kids are exhausting some times. I love her to death, and I feel guilty to wanting to have sex a few times a week (currently it's about twice a year). Is this wrong of me? I also don't have anywhere that I can take care of myself either if you know what I mean. I feel like I'm going to burst because the urge for sex is so strong. How have others handled this?
First off, I would say that you should not feel guilty. I think all of us have done that (and some continue to) . Like me-- there are those whose spouses did shut down and simply had no need or desire for affection or touch. I would resort to my toys and several times when caught by him got the eye roll and "Oh God, not again". I was made to feel like a perve for simply being human and having yet another need he did not concern himself with.
Then there are many like you who have a spouse with a health issue, but otherwise is everything you could ask for... so again, the guilt. The thing is, you are human and have a very basic need. (Given the fact you are young is even more difficult)
There are all sorts of ways that many have resorted to... not always ideal, but I think of the line in that song-- we don't always get what we want-- we get what we need.
Some turn to toys, porn, writing or reading erotica. (There is a group on here with Erotica) Some just post or message others and may share fantasies or vent.
Forgive me for being a bit bold or crude (I am afraid I have opened up and my newfound curiosity has led me to not only say or ask what is on my mind, but now there is no such thing for me as TMI anymore. ) You mention sex being painful for her... Have you ever asked or gotten oral from her to help you out ? (Not sure if that would help)
There is a site called Literotica that has Erotic stories, but also has an audio section. For me, sometimes hearing a sexy voice describing and luring you into their fantasy does get the blood pumping.
Several of the guys have turned to tantric exercises. (I believe it gives them more satisfaction and control.. a way to work through and with those urges.)
And I would say-- as a guy, I know you cringe at the thought of a toy or aid. When I first explored one of the sites for toys I was amazed at what was out there--- for women -- and men!! just scope some out and never say never.lol
PS. I hope I have not offended you . Good luck
Bettersex.com Extremerestraints.com just in case you want to peek.
You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting to be intimate with your wife. With her health issues and exhaustion from the kids, maybe a compromise would work. Go from twice a year to agreeing on once a month for starters. It’s not ideal, but possibly if she knows there won’t be pressure she can relax. When you are intimate, hopefully it will be more enjoyable for her and she’ll slowly agree to sex more frequently. Sorry I’m not articulating this well.
Best of luck!