Sexless Marriage Community Group
This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.
Hello, I am new to the group and want to tell you about my situation. My wife and I have been married for almost 29 years. In the past 15 years our sex life has gone from 4 or 5 times a week to maybe 3 times a year. The problem started when she was diagnosed with a chronic inflammatory disease. Between being in some sort of constant pain to the anti-depression medications she now takes, her sex drive is completely non-existant.
The few times I am able to get her in the mood for sex, it's usually a brief encounter. She is only comfortable in one position and anything more than 5 minutes of intercourse causes her to ache and have to stop. I feel so bad for wanting to have sex with her, but when we do it's so boring and mechanical that it really isn't worth the effort.
She's tried different medications, seen specialists and therapists but this is something that's just not going to change. I spend most of my time now looking at porn and chatting online because virtual sex through masturbation is about the only release I have. I don't want to have an affair, one because it would hurt her if she found out and two because I tend to be an introvert and am really uncomfortable meeting new people in real life.
Well I just wanted to vent a bit and I hope that through the stories and advice of others here I can lower my frustration level.
So sorry for your circumstance due to your wife’s heartbreaking health problems. She’s lucky to have an understanding spouse and you’re extremely fortunate to have a wife that has at least tried to fix the sexless marriage. Nonetheless, that doesn’t easy the pain, frustration, loneliness, and longing you are experiencing. Have you and your wife discussed your needs? Is she considerate of what you’re going through?
Many of us find other ways to cope. I have also been chatting endlessly, using the damn toys and my very vivid imagination. I love to write and fantasize-- some are my fantasies, some are from others ideas as well. Not sure if that would help... many guys have said that doesn't do much for them... others have gotten excited just reading where things are headed and where they do go (in MY mind anyway. lol) That is on here too... Erotica. I have written quite a bit as well as others. If you have it in you, you are welcome to share one too. There is also a website with actual stories of all sorts which has contests for new writers. But another friend told me they also have audio stories. I checked them out and I am hooked! There is something about hearing the writer narrate their own words in their sexy voice . We may not have their touch but to hear their voice while imagining they are doing the work does seem to help.
Hang in there.
I go through short phases of pain like your wife, but now that I’ve got proper diagnoses and determined triggers, flareups happen much less frequently and only last two or three days. Also, it only ever temporarily affected my sex drive. I’m a firm believer in natural medicine, and the endorphins that sex produces are pain relievers and antidepressants. It keeps me coming back for more even on days when I don’t feel well.
I know that my husband having to sometimes be my caregiver must be a reason for his rejection, but our lack of intimacy began many years before autoimmune issues happened. Our issues I believe stem from his childhood and lack of happiness as he watched his dad cheat, parents divorce, then both focused on dating and ignored the kids.. I think it’s a “don’t get too close so you never get hurt” thing. But geez, I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist...
Just a thought. Hugs, Kim