Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I’m a 23 year old female who has been struggling with pornography and masturbation for over a decade now....
I stumbled across my first porno when i was 11 years old. I was casually browsing the web for something when a pop up appeared. And immediately, I was interested. I still remember the adrenaline rush I would feel when sneaking on to my grandma’s computer to look at naked people. My heart would start to race, my eyes would open wide, and i would feel giddy and excited all over. And still to this day, I sometimes feel like that before searching something dirty on my web browser....
Of course, it’s now gotten to the point where I don’t even really care for porn anymore... however i still find myself watching it if i go for long periods of time without it.... It’s becuase I feel like I “need” to masturbate... I sometimes ask God why He created us as such sexual beings if we are meant to not be sexually immoral....
I know a lot of it has to do with my unhealthy history of sex and the way it’s affected my thinking... I’ve been taken advantage of multiple times. Not to mention I struggle with my self esteem, which often times will trick my mind into thinking that I’m gross or that men are gross.
Obviously I want a relationship with a man, but I’ve always struggled to sustain one. And I recently got saved and turned to God about 2/3 years ago. So i made the decision that the next man I sleep with will be my husband. But my body has been so overly stimulated for so long that when i get around men, I find it difficult to ignore my own desires....
smh. It’s a mess. I’ve been praying and asking God for forgivness for this... but i always end up doing it again anways... Part of me knows it’s because I don’t think I’m good enough, or that anyone else is good enough for me..
Please, I don’t want to hear any judgement. If anyone else can relate, i would love to hear from you... Thanks.
Don't feel guilty for having desires. I don't think desires are wrong. I just think the way we view them, use them, and direct our actions can be right or wrong. And "right" or "wrong" really means "healthy" or "unhealthy"--for you and others you interact with.
So you can't entirely shut out these desires. You'll only become repressed and frustrated. The fact is, that same sexual energy also gives us mood-boosts and creativity which is ALWAYS GOOD! So just try and direct that energy toward something positive--dance, art, music, fun with friends, daydreaming, etc. Even some fantasizing isn't bad if you're being mindful of it and growing in some way.
Spend time thinking about what kind of a relationship you want, what kind of man. This will help you recognize him when he comes around! Love you girl. Never be ashamed of yourself!!! We can only look at our actions, how they may have been right or wrong, and then try to correct them moving forward. God loves you and forgives you, and He DID give us desires for a reason!