I've been watching pornographic material since I was small. I always thought it would fill some part of me up, instead Im technically an adult now and I feel I have no control. I know how porn has altered my perceptions, behavior, feelings, and even tarnished relationships with people who couldve been. I'm so tired of giving myself plans to do, I'm going to do this and that, I'm going to pray this amount of tines. Those are good, and I'm not trying to take away accountability of my own actions but I still feel an emptiness, a pit of hopelessness. And sadly Ive decided to fill it with the false intimacies of porn. I'm tired of waking up and saying I'm changing. I'm so scared to talk to someone about it though.For those I've told they've gotten mad, told me to have confidence, or nothing. I can't place my recovery in their hands because it seems they're a dead end in support. Who would want to talk to a teenage boy about his lack of control endlessly. I don't know what to do, I pray and I know I need to someone to be one the journey with me, because with no one it seems impossible. But I don't want to ask someone else can you be here for me and get a slight rejection or a sermon then we never talk about it again. Im tired of being depressed, I'm tired of being anxious, I'm tired of mental health going out of whack because of this. I'm tired of being tired.