Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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veggiequeen 07/31/2019

Please forgive me for coming on here, but I do have questions and don't know how else to come across any answers. I am just wondering... when is this a problem? I am in an unhappy one sided marriage for almost 17 years (the last 12 being sexless as well) My stbx has no need or desire for sex and is content simply going day to day existing and going through the motions. I tried that for awhile, but it is no way to live with nothing to look forward to.

For me, I would begin to chat and fantasize with others in the same situation. And I would have to make do with my toys. Would not physically cheat while still not divorced and never really had the desire for porn. (Always said seeing all those artificial buffed up and perfect bods did nothing for my already wounded ego ... plus reminds me of all I am missing) But then a friend was mentioning some things he was curious about. So I decided to go on a site and check them out. Of course with my curiosity (and lack of experience or opportunities over the years) and my new found courage to check things out, I was quickly checking everything out. (Yes, I did learn a bit more than I cared to in a few instances)

I find when I am bored or feeling so incredibly lonely and aching to just be touched again, I do go and check on there. Has sometimes become a preoccupation. (you knoiw the old adage you want what you can't have?) Sometimes helps me to try to relax and play. I think I just desperately need to feel something... anything.

I come from a dysfunctional family. Dad would struggle with alcohol (as I believe both sides did with prior generations. I see that basically the entire world does seem to turn to some extent to some sort of addiction to help them get through rough times. I tend to steer clear of alcohol (unlike my siblings) because I watched just what that did to our family... but I tend to turn to food. A friend went from food to abusing and becoming addicted to exercise... I realize gambling , drugs , sex can all become addictive and unhealthy. I saw a post of a newbie who said when his wife caught him, she considered it cheating and was going to leave. I understand if you have a willing loving spouse who wants to be there , but you chose to play on your own, how that can be hurtful . What if the other is not there or available and you chose to look and play? If you do this to accomodate your needs without disrupting an uninterested or absent spouse... why is this considered so bad?

Bare in mind, for me it really doesn't matter anymore. I feel stuck and obligated to stay in my unhappy existence. I am just wondering for others... what crosses the line from accomodating distraction to overpowering unhealthy addiction?

Thank you for any helpful insight.

Scaredandafraid 07/31/2019

In your instance i think you are doing nothing wrong. As you put it, it's one sided. I'm my case the problem was the obsession with porn and in the beginning of the marriage it was ok. I have a higher libido than her and we only had sex occasionally. But fast forward and i would use pen to soothe every instance including boredom and it was to the point i was so spent because of penthat i couldn't have relations with the wife. On top of that so much self abuse has made the skin around my penis so hard that the sensitivity is no longer there making it harder for normal intercourse (sounds creepy but it's a researched fact). In my instance it was a problem because i was consumed by it whereas you are satisfying your needs because your partner won't and you won't cheat. Be careful though. My addiction led to chat sites and interactions with strangers online. The obsession grew. But if you aren't feeling those urges i think what your doing other than staying in an unhappy marriage

veggiequeen 07/31/2019

Thanks. I do often wonder though. For those with higher libidos in a relationship (usually men, but occasionally women too), I would think it would be ok for them as well. ..as long as they are satisfying their needs. I am understanding now that as times goes on, it may become to easy a fix and become more of a habit. And I definitely get where it becomes a real problem when you can no longer turn to your spouse for the end result.

May you find the strength and courage to continue to fight this demon. I wish you well.

Scaredandafraid 07/31/2019

I'm coming along slowly but definitely gaining ground. Thank you

veggiequeen 07/31/2019

I am glad. I have seen some of your other posts and I think we both agree . Most things we do struggle through do usually lead us to others who have as well. I too am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. For me, many instances from when I did do some counseling, therapy it is almost like I would come across more pieces to my puzzle and many people who also would each leave an impression and a lasting mark in my life and journey toward that happier, healthier life. I did come here to share with others and help each other. That is what this site is all about.

Scaredandafraid 07/31/2019

Exactly. Everyone might have an insight we didn't think of or are able to proud that insight to someone else. People helping people. That's the way it should be

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