Almost exactly a year ago, I had decided to take the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach to my husband's porn addiction. I pretended to like watching it with him and without him. I figured that if he thought I was comfortable with it, then he wouldn't lie to me anymore about it. Well, I started going along with everything he wanted, even though it made me feel very uncomfortable. Then he suggested something that I wish I had never agreed to.
My best friend was this girl whom I grew up with. She was bisexual, and she was really into "group sex". So, in order to please my husband, I asked her if she would be willing to "participate" with us. I regret it now. I was uncomfortable the whole time. Not to mention that I felt like my husband was cheating right in front of me, litteraly. Right there on our bed with me in it! I am not going to give details because it still hurts to think about it even though it was a year ago.
Well, anyways, I feel so stupid for going along with it.
She and I no longer talk partly because of that night, and for other reasons that have nothing to do with this story.
Well, now I am feeling like I "dropped" the wrong person. She just did that with us for fun, not because it was a fantacy of hers. But I stopped talking to her after that. This girl was my best friend from 2nd grade until that happened.
Am I wrong for all of this? I was just trying to make my husband feel more, I dunno- more comfortable? Now I feel as if I gave a whole lot of crack to a crack addict! This has bothered me for the past year. I really miss her now that my son's birthday is coming up and she always came to his parties with her little boy. Should I have never agreed to look at porn with him in the first place? I let go of an 18 year old friendship all because I wanted to make my husband comfortable with telling me when he looks at porn!