Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hello, I am new to this forum so I would like to share my story. At a very young age, I was taken advantage of sexually. It was nothing too serious, but it was enough to leave me scarred and confused. Ever since then, I have felt like I need sexual things in my life such as masturbation. I have struggled with masturbation for so long I can't remember when it started. Masturbation eventually led to pornography and now I am addicted to that. I watch it at least four times a week. I hate it because I am a Christian and I know this is wrong. I try to read my bible and pray about it but still continue to do it. I have told my boyfriend and family about it but we never talk about it so I am hoping this can help. This addiction changes the way I view everyday situations and I don't like it. I do not want to be addicted anymore.
I am sorry that you have difficult things in your past but so many of us have turned to this addiction to deal with hurts and resentments from when we were young. This is how it so often starts. You are not alone.
We start this when we are willing to 'ask'. It is humility and honesty that is needed. Gradually our ego deflates and then whatever spirituality we understand can develop.
I have been there. A Christian. An active member of a Baptist church for 30 years, Living with sexual sin but repenting, falling, repenting, on and on. Then denying, normalising, compromising. This addiction is progressive. For me finally it created such an impenetrable barrier I was totally isolated and could not see any love from anyone or anything out there.
I doubted. Why had God let me down? Why didn't he answer my prayers? So then I 'killed'God in my life because addiction and a relationship with God were incompatible for with each other and my addiction was stronger.
I started the programme praying on my knees morning and night to thin air because that was one of the daily actions. I just was willing to follow the simple programme because I felt powerless - that my life had become unmanageable. If you look at the 12 steps you will know the step.
What I found was the serenity prayer just stuck in my head and went round and round. It broke into pieces and really bugged me while I was fighting the belief that a Power greater than me could restore me to sanity.
I had...'cannot change' over an over and it stuck in my head that God cannot change. God was not dead. There is a power of love out there.
Then it was 'serenity to accept' over and over. I came to ask 'make me willing' and that was my only true prayer I said morning and night. Then one night I went to bed fighting and the next morning I woke to a realisation of a power greater than myself.
Gradually I have come to recognise that this power is the God I new before. 'Then it became 'courage to change' which lead me on from 'the belief that a Power greater....' into courage to turn my will and my life over to him who had worked behind the scenes to bring me into the fellowship and was working in me with small steps at a time to release me from the 'bondage of self' as it says in the step 3 prayer.
Find a 12 step fellowship, mine is SAA in the Uk, work the steps with openess and honesty and you will come to a realisation eventually, through prayer and meditation, of a conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for you and the power to carry that out.