OK, I first came to this site months ago because I was sick and tired of my husband's porn addiction. Through this site, I found help, I found friends, and most of all, I found understanding. I was all set to leave my husband and file for divorce. I came here, and I found out that he CAN'T help it. I found out that porn addiction is just like every other addiction out there. Through the advice and input of all of my friends on here, I realized that by yelling, crying, fighting, begging, and pleading, I wasn't helping him, myself, or our marriage. While he refused to go to group counselling or seek any help at all, he has pretty much stopped. He never thought he had an addiction. Not until I pointed out the signs of addiction, and compared them to him. This got his attention. We no longer get into physical fights, and we don't scream and yell back and forth. I don't check his computer as often (about once a month). If I do find anything on there, I ask him if he wants to try group therapy. The answer is always 'no' but I don't push the issue. I let him know that he let me down, but I also let him know that I know he's trying. I tell him how happy it makes me that he is trying so hard.
My friends here have helped me to understand why he looks at porn, and most importantly, they made me realize that it has NOTHING to do with the way I look. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me at all! I am fine the way I am! I am not in any way perfect, but I know now that there is nothing wrong with me that would MAKE him look at porn. It's not because I don't have sex with him enough. It's not because I am too fat, or too ugly, or not sexy enough. Actually, once I stopped being so 'pissy' towards him about the porn, he has payed more attention to me and tells me every day that I am beautiful (and tris to 'get some' almost every night! WOOOOHOOOO!) Since I have been more understanding of him and what's going on with this addiction, things have been 100% better. We no longer fight over it, and since that was the only thing we ever really fought over, things couldn't be better! I get all of the love and attention I need from my husband.
Slowly, I am gaining trust in him again. I am finally able to honestly say that I love my husband. It's been years since I could say it without feeling like I was lying.
When I first came here, I thought nothing would help other than getting divorced and moving on with my life. I am so happy that I gave this site a chance. It was worth it. My husband and I have a long road ahead of us. We have a long way to go to beat this addiction. I say 'we' because I am in this with him. I am going to be by his side, not against him. If he slips, I pick him up. After all, isn't that what a marriage is all about?
Thank you to ALL of my friends here on DS, and a special thanks to the special friends who made see that I am not alone, and to the special friends who helped me see things from the 'addicts point of view'!
You have made my marriage better, and that made my son's life better (he no longer hears Mommy and Daddy fighting, and to a 4-year-old with autism, it makes his life better too!)