Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
TW I am sorry in advance if I hurt anyone...that is not my intention. I just need some clarity, if possible. I don't want to offend him.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4-5 years. I am 20 and he is 21. I always figured he masturbated, but we were never open about it together. We used to have sex A LOT, perhaps it was the honeymoon phase or whatever. Things never got boring with us, not in my opinion anyway. I have asked him if he feels that way because the sex slowed A LOT (I mean like 1-2 times a month from 3-6 days a week), but he told me he never got bored with me. It may just be my insecurities, but I feel like he is either addicted to porn/masturbating or he is on the verge... I looked at his computer history and nearly every day there were 4+ videos. That isn't to say he watched them all, because I'm not sure if that was (is) the case, but it concerned me seeing so much in such a short amount of time. I feel like these actions are attacking my own insecurities about my body because all the videos he watches are what my body, well, doesn't fill out to be. And it hurts because I had no idea, he never felt comfortable coming to me. I've also noticed him lose confidence over the past year. A lot of anger is coming out on repeat and I am concerned it may have something to do with this. When I asked him about his history, he told me it was just fantasy. I thought I was okay with it, but I'm not. I am hurt. But more than anything, I want to help him if there is a problem.
It sounds like your boyfriend's porn use may be having negative effect on your relationship. But that doesn't mean he's addicted. Some questions you might ask to explore if addiction is an issue are: whether he has ever tried and failed to stop using porn; whether he has used porn as a way of avoiding negative emotions; whether he's missed work or other important life activities in order to use porn, etc.
There is a "test" on our web site, pornhelp.org, that can help give an indication of whether porn has become an addiction-type problem for your boyfriend. Even if he doesn't fit that description, though, it may be worthwhile for the two of you to seek couples counseling to understand and address why porn might be getting in the way of your intimacy.
Hope this helps.