I have been thinking about what to post here. This morning I decided to post about what's been happening in my life as of late. Three weeks ago my wife got very ill and had to be hospitalized, and then she was transferred to a nursing home, where she remains to this day. I am not sure when she will be released, if ever. That first few nights were tough. I was afraid I would slip back into sex and masturbation. I laid in bed several nights, fighting the temptations. One night I was "stinkin thinkin" and knew that if I stayed in the bedroom I would end up masturbating. I got out of bed and walked into another room, and another. I have six room on the first floor of my house I walked into each one, spun around in circle and walked out. I prayed, I wrote in my journal, I rubbed my "worry stone". I prayed again. I was prompted to go online and seek a friend. Mind you this is 11:00 pm. I shook from the thought of going online where I used to view porn. The prompting to go online and talk to a friend was strong. I decided to follow the prompt and go on Facebook and see if any of my friends were awake. Thankfully one was. We talked for about 20 minutes or so, I calmed down and was able to go back to bed without acting out in any way. One thing I learned from this episode is that I am most vulnerable when I am alone. This is not new information. But I did learn to use all the tools to get through those brief few moments of intense urges. Temptations cannot last if I give them no heed. I was able to think my through a rough time. Thankfully I am sober still. I kept thinking of the promises I made to the Lord that I would not act out sexually in any way, shape or form. He gave me the way to accomplish that. Life is good today. I miss my wife terribly but I will honor my marriage vows to love and honor her. Thanks for letting me share.